#as well as giving some context to the fact that shes literally out and about in a dirty nightgown (thats quite sturdy and passes as a dress)

[demigod-shenanigans]

Summary: Under different circumstances, Leo would have been ecstatic about the prospect of getting to travel Reino del Sol with Piper for a week and a half.

The fact that it was due to the Sunbearer Trials, which would end with a fellow semidiós getting sacrificed, put a slight damper on his mood, though.

With both him and Piper being Jades, the chances of either of them being picked as a competitor was basically nonexistent, which would have helped… if it hadn’t been for the fact that Jason being chosen was basically a given.

Written for @lost-trio-week day 4: Godly Parent or Power Swap

Word Count: ~6K

Rating: Teen and Up

…is this me cheating on the prompt because while it’s technically a godly parent/power swap, it’s a power swap that takes place in a completely different universe? Maybe. Will that stop me? Probably not

Just to be safe: TW for mentions of human sacrifice If you’ve read tsbt, you’ll know what I mean. If you have not, think of it sort of in a similar vein as the HoO prophecy, where Leo and Jason know one of them has to die so the world won’t end.

You don’t need to have read the Sunbearer Duology to understand this fic! If you have, you’ll have some extra context for some of the things that are happening, but if you haven’t, you should still be alright!

This fic has a whole bunch of Leo and Piper friendship, a decent amount of valgrace, and Nyssa and Harley also make a bit of an appearance at the beginning, which I didn’t technically plan for but am not upset about!

———

Leo had been anxious about the upcoming Sunbearer Trials for a while now.

The trials were a decennial thing, and at fifteen years old, this was only the second trial Leo was around to witness. 

Ten years ago, he’d been too small to really understand what was going on. He’d known the very basics: that there were three kinds of gods, and one kind—the Obsidians—was dangerous and wanted to enslave all of humanity. That the deity Sol, or what remained of them, was the only thing keeping the Obsidians at bay during the day, and that the sun stones kept them away at night.

But the power of the sun stones was fragile, and so once every decade, they had to be recharged. That was what the trials were for.

Leo hadn’t really understood the horror of the trials, then. 

In his defense, he’d been five. Human sacrifice wasn’t really at the forefront of your mind at that age.

It was the only thing on his mind now, squished into a trajinera with the priests and his siblings as they made their way to Sol Temple.

His colorful wings twitched anxiously, repeatedly hitting his older sister Nyssa in the face. 

“Sorry,” he muttered for what was probably the fifth time in the last hour.

She waved him off, just like she had that morning when his little shaving cream on Jell-O prank had worked a little too well.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Usually, Nyssa wouldn’t have reacted this well. Leo knew his sister loved him to death, but that included her wanting to strangle him half the time. She’d never been a particular fan of his pranks or his general sense of humor. And, daughter of Quetzal or not, no one was a fan of getting a bunch of feathers in their mouth.

But Nyssa knew why Leo was anxious, and she was giving him a lot of grace because of it.

“He’s going to be okay. You know that, right?” she asked, gently squeezing his arm. Her huge brown wings, which had remained neatly folded at her side until now, protectively wrapped around one of his shoulders.

“Oh, please, I’m not worried,” Leo scoffed, self-consciously wiggling out of his sister’s winged embrace. “Why would I be worried? Jason’s, like, an obnoxiously perfect hero. He’s a literal poster child of a Gold semidiós. There’s no way he’ll lose.”

Despite the fact that it was normal and even expected for Gold semidioses due to their hero status, Leo still couldn’t believe there were posters and trading cards of Jason these days. Him and Piper had given their friend endless shit for it. Leo had Jason’s least favorite poster up in his room purely for the joy of seeing him cringe whenever he came to visit.

Not that Jason got the chance to visit a lot, busy as he was at the stupid hero academy. Maybe once he was done with school. If he-

Leo banished the thought. Jason would be fine. He’d be fine. He was ranked third in his class for a reason. There wouldn’t be bets about him participating and winning if it wasn’t obvious to everyone Jason had a very real shot at coming in first. He wouldn’t lose. He couldn’t. 

“You could still tell him how you feel, you know,” Nyssa said, nudging him gently. “Give him a kiss for good luck.”

“I will push you off this boat,” Leo hissed, blushing furiously.

“Right, that’ll inconvenience me greatly, considering I can fly.” Nyssa suddenly looked past him, craning her neck. “We’re coming up on the lake! Let’s see if we can spot the trajinera from Ciudad Afortuna. Surely the fact that you get to spend a whole week and a half exploring Reino del Sol with Piper will cheer you up.”

Leo rolled his eyes. “You just wanna look for Drew.”

“Well, it’s the same boat, so.” Nyssa shrugged. “You coming?”

He would never understand Nyssa’s obsession with Piper’s mean older sister, but she wasn’t wrong about the Piper thing. If it hadn’t been for the likelihood of Jason competing in the trials, getting to hang out and travel with his best friend in the entire world would have been a dream come true for Leo. He hadn’t seen Piper in months, which was absolutely criminal. He couldn’t wait to finally hug her again.

Leo turned to follow his sister to the front of the boat—there was a technical term for it, but Leo wasn’t the semidiós of boating, so he didn’t know it—but before he could, a little hand grabbed his sleeve, yanking on it so hard that it almost ripped.

He looked down to see the offending hand belonged to his little brother Harley. His anxious expression made Leo’s stomach churn.

“Be there in a sec!” he called after Nyssa before turning to their brother, who didn’t look like he planned to let go of him ever again. “Alright, Nestling, I get it. These outfits are kind of uncomfortable. I’d still appreciate it if you didn’t rip off my sleeve, though. You know mamá spent way too much money on those.”

“Yeah.” Harley dropped his hand from his brother’s sleeve. “I miss mamá.”

Leo relaxed marginally. Was that all his brother had wanted to talk about? The fact that he was feeling a little homesick? Leo could handle that. 

He was sure their diosa mom would shield Harley from the end of the trials, the way she’d done for Nyssa and Leo during the last ones, but he still hadn’t looked forward to having the whole “the person who loses the trials gets sacrificed to recharge the sun stones”-conversation with an eight year old.

“Well, you were gonna have to leave home one of these days, unless you want me to call you Nestling forever.” Leo ruffled his brother’s hair. “We’ll see her again after the trials are over. You know the only mortals who can come to Sol Temple are priests. Besides, even if she could, mamá’s got a big project at work. She can’t just ditch her team to come with us. They’d be lost without her.”

That was the downside of having a genius inventor for a mortal mom—whether she liked it or not, work kept her pretty busy. 

It had plenty of upsides, too: people said the name Esperanza Valdez with almost as much reverence as they did diosa Quetzal’s, which meant Leo could get away with damn near everything. Besides, her efforts to provide sustainable tech that protected Quetzlan wildlife was the reason his moms had met, so he supposed he couldn’t complain too much.

“I guess.” Harley huffed, blowing his curls out of his face. “That’s stupid, though.”

“Adult responsibilities are almost always stupid. That’s why you need me to set a terrible example.” Leo grinned. “So, were you pulling my sleeve out of boredom or did you actually want something?”

Harley mumbled something under his breath, so quietly that Leo didn’t catch a word he was saying.

“Sorry, hermanito, I think the light breeze drowned you out,” Leo teased, looking down at his little brother. “Let’s try that again, yeah?”

Harley didn’t meet his eyes, and he still spoke quietly, but it was loud enough for Leo to hear this time.

“Sol won’t pick you and Nyssa for the trials, right?” 

The idea was so absurd that Leo burst out laughing. 

“We’re Jades, Harls. Jade semidioses don’t get picked for the trials. That’s not a thing.” 

“Are you sure?” Harley wrung his hands, looking unconvinced. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“‘Course I’m sure, Nestling. The trials are for heroes that get put on posters. Not us.”

“But you saved someone yesterday. Doesn’t that make you a hero?”

Leo snorted.

“I barely helped, and it very nearly made me Leo flambé.” He cringed just thinking about it. “The only thing I really managed was to add myself to the list of people Jason and Percy had to save. Brotherly word of advice: take my bad example when it comes to funny pranks and skipping school. Do not try to match my shitty impulse control. It’s not worth it.” 

Leo had made Jason vow not to tell Piper he’d had to carry him out of a burning building. She’d never let him live that down. 

“Fine,” Harley agreed, finally cracking a smile. “We’re almost at the waterfall! I wanna see if I can stick my hand in!”

He didn’t give Leo a chance to reply. He just started pulling on his sleeve again, dragging him towards the front of the boat. 

Leo laughed.

~~~~

To head priest Hedge’s credit, he tried his best to keep Leo in the moving line of people, yanking on his arm and yelling in an entirely unpriestly manner whenever Leo stopped to look around for Jason and Piper. Leo had seen the boat from San Fuego—it was hard to overlook, giant ridiculous eyesore that it was due to both of Jason’s moms being awful show-offs—but Jason had arrived before he had and was already gone by the time Leo and his siblings had disembarked.

Unfortunately for Hedge, Leo spotted Piper in the crowd, at which point all of Quetzlan’s priests combined wouldn’t have been enough to keep him in line.

They were rushing towards each other the moment their eyes met, crowds and rules and yelling head priests be damned.

“Leo!”

“Piper!”

He slammed into his best friend’s chest with so much force that they nearly both toppled over, arms and wings wrapping around her simultaneously with no regards for the crowd surrounding them.

Several people cursed at him.

“Watch it, Bird Boy,” Drew scoffed, which Leo decided immediately would earn her more feathers to the face if he ever decided he was ready to let go of Piper again.

Piper hugged him back just as fiercely. She was trembling a little, and she’d looked strangely subdued when he’d spotted her—it had immediately been obvious that Leo wasn’t the only one anxious about their little Jason situation—but now her face split into a huge grin.

“I missed you so much,” Piper said, pressing her chin to the top of Leo’s head.

Menace that she was, she loved reminding him that she was slightly taller than him, even when they were being affectionate.

Leo didn’t mind too much. One of these days, he would have another growth spurt, and he’d take his revenge then.

“Right back at you. Keeping us apart so long should be illegal,” Leo announced, holding her even tighter.

“Can you two quit flirting and get a move on? You’re blocking the road,” Drew complained, earning disgusted expressions from both of them.

“We’re not flirting!” they protested simultaneously.

It wasn’t the first time someone had made that assumption, but it had never been like that between Leo and Piper. Piper was pretty sure she didn’t even like guys, and besides, assuming that two people were dating just because they were affectionate with each other was stupid, anyway. 

“Just admit you get absolutely zero hugs and leave us alone!” Leo yelled back at her. He would have been kind of sad for Drew if she hadn’t been such an ass.

“I honestly don’t really care what’s going on between you two weirdos, but please just get a move on. You’re holding up the line,” Drew complained, gesturing to the people around them that had to go out of their way to skirt around Leo and Piper’s little reunion party. “You can get back to whatever this is when we get inside.”

“Killjoy,” Piper grumbled, but she pulled her arm back, careful of her azabache bracelet the way she always was when they hugged.

The choice of jewelry had confused Leo at first—children of Mala Suerte didn’t generally need azabache bracelets to ward off bad luck, since their dad’s powers didn’t affect them the way it did other people.

But he’d quickly learned that her dad wasn’t the reason Piper wore it.

“Aw, Pipes, really? Don’t you think it’s time for me to get another haircut? Personally, I feel like my hair is getting kinda long.”

“Hardy har har.”

Leo stuck his tongue out at her. 

When they’d first become friends, the jewelry had ended up so utterly tangled in Leo’s curls that Hedge had had to cut it out with scissors, taking a bunch of Leo’s then chest-long hair with it.

Leo hadn’t been mad about it—it had been around the time that it had really started to click that the whole “being a girl”-thing wasn’t going to work out for him, but despite the fact that he’d hated his long hair, he’d not quite managed to work up the courage to ask his mamá to cut it. 

Piper had been kind enough to solve this problem for him not even an hour into their friendship—albeit not entirely on purpose—and they’d been inseparable ever since.

…well, slightly less physically inseparable than they’d been with Piper’s hand stuck in his hair, but still.

Leo looked back on that moment fondly for a variety of reasons, but as Piper’s best friend of five years, it was still his sacred duty to tease her about the incident every now and again.

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” Leo decided with a sigh, waiting for Piper’s nod before he started moving again.

They walked side by side, letting the large crowd of semidioses and priests push them towards the temple. It was a relief to not be doing this on his own—to have Piper there to distract him from the dread he’d been feeling all week.

They caught each other up on everything they’d missed during their time apart. 

Sure, they talked every chance they got, but it wasn’t the same when they couldn’t actually see each other. 

Hedge directed suspicious glances their way every few seconds.

“Is he still mad about what happened the last time I visited?” Piper asked, eyes glinting with mischief. 

“Yeah. Not sure why, though!” Leo grinned. “It’s not like he was using the boat when we borrowed it. And besides, it looked so much prettier when we returned it!“

“No appreciation for the arts.” Piper shook her head, making her expression overly grave. “It’s sad, really.”

“Truly.”

“Have you seen Jason yet?” she asked once they’d made it inside the temple.

They were surrounded by chatter and lively music, which seemed at odds with the fact that the trials were essentially someone’s very fancy funeral, but what did Leo know? 

“Nope! I saw his awful boat after we docked—which is in desperate need of a Leo and Piper makeover, by the way—but so far Goldie remains MIA.”

“Gods, yeah, you can tell Beryl really wanted to show off.” Piper rolled her eyes. “I hate that woman.”

“Tell me about it.” Leo gritted his teeth. “It’s like her and Lumbre are in constant competition for the position of world’s worst mom. Jason’s barely gotten a day off from the academy all year, and even when he has, half the time Beryl was hogging him for bragging purposes.”

“I still can’t believe she made him miss your birthday.” Piper scowled. “Have you gotten to see him at all lately?”

Leo hesitated. He really didn’t want to tell her about the fact that he’d had to be saved from his own dumbassery after he’d heroically locked himself and the person he was trying to help in a walk-in freezer, but he knew she’d pick up on it if he lied to her, and that was just bound to result in him getting grilled.

“…sort of,” he admitted. “There was a fire in Quetzlan yesterday. Jason and Percy dropped by to help. I did briefly see him, then.”

“I heard about that. Were you in the area when it happened? Did anyone get hurt?”

“A few people got treated for smoke inhalation. Nothing too bad.” If he’d been one of those people… well, Piper didn’t need to know that. “If you’re wondering if I know how he’s dealing with this whole situation… not really, unfortunately. You know what he’s like. He doesn’t talk about this shit.” 

“Maybe he won’t get picked,” Piper said, which Leo found awfully optimistic considering it came from the daughter of the god of bad luck. “I mean, he’s not ranked first, right? Maybe Sol will decide someone else is better suited.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Leo agreed, briefly letting himself imagine a scenario where he and Piper got to spend the next two weeks getting Jason in trouble. Realistically, he knew it wouldn’t happen, but it was a very nice thought regardless.

Leo craned his neck, making another attempt to try and spot Jason in the crowd.

It would have been easier if he’d used his wings to get a better vantage point, but he didn’t want to draw that much attention to himself, especially not with all the reporters around. He didn’t really care to answer stupid questions about his mamá or the fire or what he thought Jason’s chances of getting stabbed to death were. Besides, considering the odds of him and Piper pissing someone off during the course of the event were astronomical—though whether it would be on purpose or by accident was anyone’s guess—he didn’t want to risk photographic evidence.

Leo didn’t manage to find Jason this time, either. He spotted a few other Gold semidioses, though. 

Between Jason’s stories from school and the fact that Leo had seen several of them on the news, he at least vaguely knew who most of them were, despite the fact that he hadn’t met many of them in person. 

Percy and Annabeth clearly did not care to beat the power couple allegations, the way their arms were linked. From what Leo had seen of them on the news, he wasn’t surprised they both had Jason beat in the rankings.

Water and lightning were a terrifying combination, and Leo was glad he’d never have to face them in combat the way Jason did. 

For personal reasons, Leo still thought Jason’s powers were much cooler, though. 

A little way off, he spotted two of Guerrero’s youngest kids. Frank was chatting with a girl Leo only very vaguely recognized. As per usual, Clarisse was busy scowling at anyone in the general vicinity.

Suddenly, Piper nudged him. “No wonder we couldn’t find Jason. Look.”

He directed his attention towards where she was pointing, cringing at the sight.

Two semidiose reporters whose names Leo refused to remember out of pure spite had cornered Jason and were shoving cameras in his face. He was clearly trying his best to keep it together, but from the furrow in his brow and the way his lip was twitching, Leo figured he was a breath away from losing it.

Jason’s older sister Thalia, who was almost as famous for her short fuse as she was for her hero work, looked like desperately longed to set someone on fire.

“You wanna run a distract and extract mission before Thals kills someone?” he asked, already knowing Piper’s answer from the way she was scowling. 

“Obviously. As much as I’d love to see her punch a reporter, I don’t think it’d help Jason much.”

“So, what’s the plan? You wanna try and test your powers again?” he suggested carefully. “Make them trip on their shoelaces or something?”

Piper shook her head, glaring intently at the floor tiles. “You know that’s not how it works,” she said very quietly. 

He didn’t, actually. Neither did Piper. That was sort of the crux of the issue.

Unlike Drew, whose whole thing was warding off bad luck, Piper’s powers caused it. This could have been pretty cool, if it hadn’t been for the fact that she’d never been able to control said powers. Bad things just tended to happen around her, whether she wanted them to or not. 

The bracelet helped, but it wasn’t a perfect fix. Leo’s hair hadn’t been the first or only victim of Piper’s bad luck.

He knew it was a touchy subject. Maybe he should have stopped asking about it altogether. But a part of Leo was still hopeful that one day, Piper’s powers would come around and actually be a good thing. 

Maybe the fact that his feathers had changed last year, finally catching up with his gender and taking on the blue and green colors of a proper male quetzal, had made him a stupid optimist.

It was easier to be a stupid optimist, he supposed, when the worst thing you had to deal with on a daily basis was everyone knowing your moms and people being a little weird about your wings, instead of a dead mortal dad and people around you blaming you for every little thing that went wrong in their lives.

“Sorry. Forget I said anything.” He squeezed her hand, then let go of her so he could take off his backpack. “Let’s do it the old-fashioned way instead. How do you feel about a feathers and paint operation?”

Piper looked up at him. When she saw what he pulled from his bag—a little surprise he’d technically prepared to get back at Octavian for snitching on them after their last prank, but that would work just fine here—her lips slowly curled into a smile.

~~~~

The bad news about this strategy was that Leo’s bird friends were maybe getting a little too savvy at stealing things. The good news, well… it would be hard for the stupid reporters to harass anyone with a camera they no longer had. Also, Piper was great with distractions, and there was nothing that cheered her up quite like throwing paint bombs did.

Suddenly, the stupid reporters had a lot of things to worry about that weren’t the Lumbre siblings.

Before Jason knew what hit him, Leo had grabbed his hand and pulled him into the nearest corridor, running like hell.

“What the-” he asked, letting himself be pulled along despite his obvious confusion. Then his entire face lit up. “Leo?”

“At your service,” Leo joked, stopping once they’d rounded the next corner and bowing dramatically. “Piper’s gonna catch up with us in a second,” he told him. Before he got the chance to say anything else—“hello”, maybe, or “are you okay?”—Jason had scooped him up in the world’s tightest hug.

As was expected from a semidiós with fire powers, he radiated warmth. A hug from Jason always felt like being wrapped in a heated blanket. He smelt a little like an evening campfire. His curls brushed Leo’s forehead. It would have been so easy to reach out and run his hands through Jason’s hair…

Before Leo could do anything stupid, Piper rounded the corner, her delighted laughter echoing down the hall. The front of her shirt was absolutely splattered with paint.

“That was amazing. You should have seen their faces,” she giggled. The somber expression she’d worn earlier had been thoroughly wiped off her face.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you guys,” Jason admitted, and he and Leo simultaneously untangled one arm to pull Piper into their group hug, collateral damage via paint be damned. Leo’s mamá would probably forgive him. “Another second of being grilled by them and they’d have gotten great pictures of me having a panic attack in the middle of the hall.”

“You’d die without us, probably,” Leo joked, squeezing Jason’s shoulder. “But I’m pretty sure Thalia would have punched the reporters’ lights out before letting that happen.”

“I’m not sure which one of our moms would have killed us faster if that had happened,” Jason replied, chewing on the scar on his lip. He said it in a joking tone, but he still looked a little shaken. 

This didn’t exactly surprise Leo. Jason liked helping people—always had. But he’d never dealt with the public attention he got from hero work especially well.

Half the reason Leo and Piper had first befriended Jason was that it had always been blatantly obvious he didn’t deal with people well. At every ceremony the dioses and semidioses attended together, Jason had stood around either alone or clinging to his older sister’s skirts. Large groups of people tended to seriously overwhelm him.

He’d been okay while he still had Thalia, but things had gone from bad to worse when she’d graduated and started missing ceremonies because of her assignments.

Some four years ago, Piper and Leo had seen Jason standing beside a sour-faced priestess that was clearly less than thrilled to be demoted to babysitter for the day and had promptly decided that they were adopting him into their friend group, whether he liked it or not.

And, well, the rest was history.

“Have your parents been giving you a hard time about the trials?” Piper asked, expression fierce. “I’m not opposed to paint bombing a goddess if the situation warrants it.”

Jason laughed.

“Thanks, but I don’t think you getting incinerated would help,” he told her. Piper gently kicked him in the leg. “Hey!”

“I’m with Pipes here. Do not underestimate her skill to sneakily paint bomb people,” Leo tutted. Jason raised an eyebrow, gesturing at Piper’s paint-covered suit. “…current situation notwithstanding.”

“Traitor,” Piper complained, sticking her tongue out at Leo. 

“It’s just… Thalia ranked second in her trials, despite being the youngest participant,” Jason said quietly. “I don’t know what would happen if Sol didn’t pick me for the trials at all.”

“Oh yeah, having to put up with Piper and me for two weeks would just be horrible. Way worse than having to fight for your life,” Leo teased, though he knew what Jason was getting at. Jason already put a lot of pressure on himself, and coming from a long line of Sunbearers and having his strict as hell diosa mother as his principal definitely didn’t help.

Jason opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, someone cleared their throat behind them.

Leo turned.

His mother’s head priest was standing there, his arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed in displeasure.

“So that’s where you three ran off to.”

“Hedge! Hey! Fancy meeting you here,” Piper said cheerfully, giving him her widest grin. “How’s your wife?”

Hedge’s expression softened marginally. He loved to claim he didn’t like Piper all that much—he said it was because she got Leo into too much trouble, though objectively said trouble originated from Leo at least sixty percent of the time—but in truth, it was obvious he’d always had a soft spot for her.

“Mellie is great. But do not think you can distract me from doing my job right now. It’s almost time for the ceremony. I don’t know what you Fledgelings were thinking, but-” Hedge paused, taking in their outfits. “Why in Sol’s name are you three covered in paint?”

~~~~

An emergency cleaning session later, the three of them headed up the stairs towards the altar together. 

Leo’s stomach rolled. He’d been the happiest person alive upon seeing his two best friends again, but his cheerful mood had begun to abate as they ascended, and seeing the altar thoroughly killed it. The trials began and ended here. Even if it wouldn’t be Jason—Leo quietly prayed to his mother and Sol and any other deity that might listen that it wouldn’t be Jason—someone would die here soon. He felt sick just thinking about it.

“If you’d all gather around, we’ll start with the ceremony,” Diosa Luna announced.

She was the goddess of the moon, as well as Sol’s high priestess. Because they couldn’t be around to do it, she’d been in charge of the trials since they’d taken place for the first time, communicating with Sol all throughout and making sure their will was heard as best as it could be.

Leo squeezed Jason’s hand one last time before they separated. 

Then Jason went to stand with his mother and sister. 

Reyna—the one proper friend Jason had managed to make at hero school—looked from the remnants of paint on Jason’s uniform to Leo and Piper. She raised an eyebrow, but she said nothing.

Leo never quite knew what to make of her, though he supposed the fact that Jason was friends with her meant she couldn’t be all that bad.

The same could not be said for his classmate Octavian, who was openly scowling at Leo and Piper, and not just because they were late. There were still Golds who heavily frowned upon Jason “lowering himself” to be friends with two Jades, and Octavian had always made it blatantly obvious that he was one of them.

“Jackass,” Leo muttered under his breath, and Piper snorted, pulling him along until they reached their respective families. 

“You guys look like you had fun,” Nyssa commented, giving them an amused look.

“We did,” Leo confirmed, but he felt nothing as he said it. He didn’t even look at his sister. Instead, his eyes found Jason’s across the room. 

The dioses were standing behind their children, most giving them encouraging looks and nods. Quetzal ruffled Leo’s feathers. 

“You’ll be alright,” she reassured him gently.

“Yeah, I know,” Leo replied, sounding braver than he felt. 

He was a Jade. Like he’d told Harley, Sol didn’t pick Jades for the trials. They were only here as a formality. 

But there was still something nerve-wracking about standing around the altar, waiting for the ceremony to begin. 

Most people wouldn’t have been thrilled to be standing so close to the god of bad luck right now, but Leo was thankful. It meant he got to have Piper by his side for this, which made things a million times less miserable.

If he’d wanted to, he could have reached out and given her hand a squeeze, but he wasn’t quite ready to admit how afraid he felt.

Jason was still looking at him, smiling encouragingly.

Luna gave a whole speech about fortune and sacrifice and the role of the future Sunbearer, but Leo wasn’t really listening. He was looking at Jason across the altar—at his anxious stance and his smile—and trying desperately not to think about him ending up on said altar, his eyes empty and his warm skin growing horribly cold as golden blood dripped from the sacrificial dagger. 

Leo’s mother squeezed his shoulder with warm fingers.

“You don’t need to worry about Jason,” she told him gently. “He will do just fine.”

Leo still felt nauseous. When Luna asked the Dioses to present their eligible children, he mechanically stepped forward—Nyssa to his left, Piper to his right. He briefly glanced back to see his mother gathering an obviously anxious Harley up in her arms, soothing him to the best of her abilities.

They all gathered around the Sol Stone. It was unnervingly quiet. Then, the stone began to hum and glow, which Leo immediately decided was worse.

A moment passed. Then, there was a flash of light. Sol had chosen the first competitor.

Leo turned to look. A sunburst crown had appeared on Annabeth’s head. The golden metal glinted dully.

No one was exactly shocked that Annabeth had been picked. Her father, Tormentoso, rumbled in approval. Annabeth herself tried to seem all calm and collected as she adjusted the crown on her head, but it was obvious she was thrilled that she’d not only been chosen but had been chosen before anyone else.

She grinned over at Percy like she’d just won some sort of competition between them.

Percy was the next person Sol chose, which also wasn’t surprising.

The next two choices were the two children of Guerrero Leo had seen earlier. Clarisse, their oldest eligible daughter, and her younger brother Frank. That was unusual enough that Luna had trouble getting the crowd to quiet down. Leo had never heard of a pair of siblings competing in the trials the same year.

Clarisse looked thrilled. Leo didn’t think Frank looked quite as excited, but he squared his shoulders and did his best to mimic his sister’s proud pose.

Octavian was next, then a daughter of Tierra named Hazel. She was the youngest competitor that had been chosen so far, but she didn’t look afraid. She brushed back her curls and raised her head, expression fierce.

Reyna was next. That meant there were only three spots left.

With every crown that appeared on a head that wasn’t Jason’s, Jason looked more like he wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. Leo’s feelings were warring with each other. He hated the anxious look on Jason’s face—hated the way Lumbre’s fingers were digging into her son’s shoulders even more—but he still didn’t want Jason to be chosen. He wanted him to be safe more than anything.

Just three more spots. Leo almost allowed himself to hope. Not Jason. Not Jason. Not Jason. 

Of course, because the universe hated him, the next crown was Jason’s. Jason’s shoulders slumped in relief. Reyna squeezed his hand, smiling softly at him.

Leo found some comfort in the fact that at least Jason would have someone in his corner, but he was still having a hard time not freaking out. Not staring at the altar and thinking about Jason bleeding out on top of it, expression brave and determined and then completely still.

The next flash—competitor number nine—was so close to Leo that he was disoriented for a second. The crowd broke into surprised chatter again, much louder than it had been when Sol had picked the second one of the Guerrero siblings. Heads swiveled.

Leo was still staring at Jason, who looked right back at him, all signs of relief gone from his expression. His face was ashen, eyes wide with alarm.

“They can’t do that!” a familiar voice protested. Leo realized with a jolt that it was Drew.

He turned to his right, confused as to which Gold had been chosen that could possibly elicit that kind of reaction when everyone had been just fine with Hazel being chosen a moment ago. 

Piper was anxiously fiddling with the pendant of her azabache bracelet. Her face had lost all color. 

Leo’s eyes met hers.

Then they trailed upwards to the sunburst crown on top of her head, and the ground fell out from underneath his feet.

Leo couldn’t breathe. He felt like he had been dropped off a cliff, the ground hurtling towards him and his wings refusing to work. 

He hadn’t even considered the possibility that Piper might be chosen for the trials. He hadn’t even considered he might lose her. Why would he have? Jades were basically never chosen for the trials! 

This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t- this wasn’t real. He was stuck in some kind of bizarre nightmare. There was no way this was actually happening.

In what world would Sol choose Piper? She barely even had any powers, for crying out loud! How could she stand a chance against nine people who had been training for this for almost their entire lives? That wasn’t fair! She couldn’t- Leo couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t. 

He looked back towards his mom, whose expression of shock mirrored his own.

Leo did reach out to take Piper’s hand, then. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, but he clutched her trembling fingers tightly, tapping Morse code on the back of her hand. Love you. Love you. Love you. Over and over again. After the third time, Piper started tapping the same message back at him.

Leo looked at Jason across the room. There wasn’t a word said between them, but they didn’t need words to express what they were both thinking.

Jason would do whatever he could to help Piper in the trials. They didn’t have to talk about it for Leo to know that he would.

There was another flash. Sol had chosen the final competitor. 

Leo didn’t want to care who it was—he didn’t think it could get any worse than both Jason and Piper being chosen—but, once again, the flash had been horribly, disorientingly close. Leo had to take a moment to blink the spots out of his eyes. 

If possible, Jason’s face had gone even grayer. There was a sobbing noise behind Leo that he was pretty sure was from Harley.

Leo’s heart hammered in his chest as he remembered that his sister was also eligible for the trials and that she was standing right next to him. Please not her, too. 

Leo braced himself as he turned around to look at Nyssa. It was harder than he’d expected. His head felt strangely heavy all of a sudden.

His sister’s head was thankfully crownless. This would have been a huge relief, except she was staring at him, an expression of utter terror written across her features.

Leo reached up with trembling hands, praying he’d imagined the new weight on his head. But despite him being surrounded by deities, it was clear none of them were listening.

As he tried to brush back his hair, his fingers touched the cold metal of the final sunburst crown.

———

Fic notes:

-This is hands down one of the most self-indulgent fics I have ever written, I had absolutely ridiculous amounts of fun writing this fic!

-Sunbearer Trials and Celestial Monsters are probably my favorite reads of the year (which is saying a lot considering how many books I’ve read this year) and I cannot stress enough that I think you guys would really enjoy them. This goes especially for the valgrace shippers. Aurelio is sooo Jason Grace coded you guys would love him.

-Just absolutely lovely books about a whole bunch of queer demigods with a super cool surrounding mythology that I promise is explained way better in the books than my very basic summary for the purposes of this fic suggests lmao. I cannot recommend them enough.

-If you’d like to understand the world building better, I’d recommend just checking out the prologue of the book! I did my best with trying to explain it but I’m not sure I succeeded, ngl

-Leo as Teo and Jason as a sort of Niya-Aurelio-mix were really obvious choices, but I struggled to figured out what exactly I wanted Piper’s role to be. When it clicked tho… made the whole fic come together. I’m so thrilled for the target audience of me and like maybe two other people in the universe who will get it to read this fic!

-Since this fic is intended to make people read the books, I thought this was a pretty good point to end it on! There’s some other scenes that could theoretically be fun to explore in this universe (I have one especially that I really want to do, but, well, spoilers). We’ll see how it goes.

Also specifically tagging @froglyberrys and @on-starrii-nights since you guys were interested in this concept when I first posted about it (hope that’s okay, let me know if you want me to remove the tag)

[gibbearish]

oh psa but if you're in an industry that checks IDs and the person in front of you is clearly trans, don't make comments about anything on that ID. for instance saying "OMG your middle name's Danielle? that's my name too!!!" to someone 5 feet tall with a full beard is perhaps not the best choice one could make if one didn't want to put a neon glowing sign above that person's head saying "THIS IS A TRANSGENDER" to everyone they're with

[keets-writing-corner]

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

[vroomvroomwee]

Crowley is Lucifer

(Ok I know some of you don't believe this theory but I highly suggest you give this a quick read anyway. I tried to make it short and easy and I'll be going chronologically, from s1 all through s2)

- First, let's get this out of the way, Lucifer and Satan aren't neccesarilly the same person. Even in the show the devil that appeared in s1 has only ever been reffered to as Satan, not even once as Lucifer.

- In the bible Lucifer was the one to tempt Eve with the apple, and who do we know that does that in the show. Crowley is literally THE snake from Eden.

- An obvious one perhaps, but the red hair is also a giveaway

- In the bible Jesus was tempted by the devil for 30 days, in the show Crowley says "I showed him all the kingdoms of the world", so that's another role Lucifer has that Crowley had in the show

- It's well known (even mentioned in the Sandman) that Lucifer was the most beautiful of all angels, and our demon is played by no other than David Tennant

Now on to season 2 because there's a LOT to unpack here

- He litterally started the engine of the universe which was one of Lucifers roles

- He's the first to say "let there be light", which is pretty fucking huge since that is Gods line

- "I worked closely with upstairs on it" even in the first scene they're telling us Crowley is an angel of very very high rank

- He fell for asking questions, which is litterally what Lucifer fell for, for questioning God. This in and of itself should be a pretty big indicator. "I only ever asked questions"

- Shax: "a miracle of enourmous power only the mightiest of archangels can perform"

Crowley: "How do you know I didn't do it"

And Shax just... doesn't counter that. She looks even skeptical, as if it COULD be a possibility, unlike Uriel who says to Aziraphale don't excpect us to believe you did it. Shax litterally doesn't shut the option down which confirms Crowley has the power not only of an archangel but of the mightiest kind

- In the bookshop with Gabriel/Jim he says "I don't remember. It [gravity] seemed like a good idea when we were all talking about it"

- "You're welcome to come in, you might even spot an archangel" don't tell me this was Crowley just egging Shax on and not being sneaky

- The fact that he could sense the demons coming. "Somethings wrong""It's coming in waves", when Aziraphale couldn't. It could be a demon thing but we saw Sandalphon, an archangel of lower rank, in the first season mention "something smells evil" so obviously angels can sense demons too, they just have to be powerful enough. And keep in mind Sandalphon was already in the book shop for quite some time, Crowley sensed them even before they had arrived (he also sensed the hell hound who was some fucking miles away)

- The.fucking.folder. "You have to be a throne or dominion above" and this dude opens these clasified documents like it's nothing. If this isn't an indicator of his high position as an angel I don't know what is.

- He's worked with Saraqael, another very high ranking angel

- "I'm the only first order archangel in the room"... and the camera imediately pans to Crowley, and for anyone who's read the book and watched the show you know that rarely anything is coincidental

- When the Metatron says they can't lose another prince of heaven. This... this fucking line. So it's relatively well known that Gabriel and Lucifer are brothers, and if Gabriel is one of the princes of heaven I wonder who the other one could be. "Two princes of heaven". And the Metatrons words were very careful, he doesn't say lost as in heaven can't find him, he says it in the context that they won't be sending Gabriel to hell since they won't lose another prince to downstairs

- In the bookshop when no one can identify the Metatron he turns to Crowley who imediately recognises him. Now you have this dude, who's literally on top of the angel hierarchy and is responsible for running heaven and the connection to God themself, surrounded by archangels and a principality you spoke to face to face with just a few years ago and... none of them can tell who you are, the only one who does is the literal demon. That tells us that Crowley has not only seen him in this form, but has probably worked with the Metaron himself personally. "Always asking damn fool questions", 10 million angels and he remembers what this one particular angel was like 6000 years ago

- Crowley is also very reluctant to reveal his identity as an angel. Now if he were just an ordinary angel of no real significance he wouldn't have a problem revealing his name, but... if his name was one that's the literal representation of all evil in this world, then it is understandable he keeps it a secret, in fear he might scare Aziraphale away

- And I wanted to leave the best for last. So you remember in the book when Crowley has to sign his name to start Armaggedon, and Hastur tells him "no, your real name" after which he reluctantly writes it. Now in the book we never see him write anything, but in the show we see him write a sygil, something that looks very mich like an L. An L... A FUCKING L. And now I wonder how this theory didn't come up sooner.

(Also he can fucking stop time, like dafuq)

Edit:

- "Oh looky here it's Lucifer and the guys" we all thought he was talking about someone else, he's just refferencing things other angels have said about HIM. FUCK

- I keep seing people saying Crowleys memories were wiped because he couldn't remember Saraqael and Furfur. But I think people forget, demons lie. He's lying to make them think he's not that angel they worked with, that he's not Lucifer. (In season 1 we hear him a few times refferencing his life as an angel, so he does remember most of it)

- Also saying if the Raphael theory were true then as showrunners they would have mentioned him somewhere for those not that familiar with the bible (or don't read much fanfiction). The refferences for Crowleys past are so so vague that it would be too sudden and confusing if he were Raphael. But there is one name that everyone is familiar with, no matter who you are how old you are or where you're from, a name that needs no introduction.

Edit 2:

- Back to him being the most beautiful angel, I don't think it was ever quite explained how every single demon when they're in hell looks... awful, but Crowley doesn't. Beelzebub has the spores all over their face, Hastur the maggots and the sh-, Dagon the scales etc. But Crowley doesn't, not even when he's in hell, he's always just so, well, pretty.

- I saw a few people asking about how Lucifer started the rebellion and Crowley wouldn't do that. I think it's the same Crowley who wouldn't get stuck in traffic after creating the M25, or the same Crowley that wanted to call Aziraphale after bringing down the entire London network, "you told them you invented the spanish inquisition, and started the second world war""so the humans beat me to it that's not my fault", "so all this is your demonic work?""no, the humans thought it up themselves nothing to do with me"

- Also I think Satan's in charge of hell not Crowley the same way the Metatron's in charge of heaven and not Gabriel (and who can very easily demote angels if he so wishes)

Edit 3:

- like some of you pointed out Lucifer is also known/means Light-bringer. And Crowley was the first to say "let there be light."

- The file he opens with Muriel is Gabriels file, a class A archangel, so if he knows the password to that it means that either he's on the same level as Gabriel, or above him.

[reignpage]

Frat Boy!Gojo

Staropramen: drink up

Content: context to part 1 of Modern au!Gojo's smau, just the first picture, wanted to write a little so I thought I'd do this one, not proofread

You pace back and forth in your room. The sky outside is darkening, dulling into dark orange hues, setting your room alight. You sweat, palms growing clammy. Part of your hair is tied up, arranged into some silly, convoluted up-do and your makeup contrasts with the soft curls framing your face. The maids twisted and pulled and plucked until you’re as presentable as possible, but you insisted, practically fought them, to let you do the rest.

So your piercings stay on, eyeliner as thick as ever, and lips painted a dark shade. And the dress hanging on the door? Well, it’s just as black as everything else in your wardrobe. 

This dinner’s important. You know that, as do the maids; your parents had been emphasising how every dinner, every engagement, every invite from the Gojos were important, so important, in fact, that preparations had begun hours ago, well before the clock could strike 7pm. 

But there’s one person who doesn’t seem to get the memo. Any of them.

One person who has evaded every meeting, every phone call, every email, letter, hell, every fax from your family. And he gets away with it. Every. Time. 

“It’s not fair,” you mumble, fidgeting with your lip ring, “I missed one dinner because I was literally sick and no one spoke to me for weeks. But he gets to miss every single one and we can’t say shit?”

A glance at the Sattler table clock by your bed says it’s nearing showtime. The chauffeur must already be running the car, awaiting your family. You’d have to put on that stupid dress and those stupid heels and plaster on a stupid smile, and shake stupid hands and eat stupid food and stupidly wait for someone who’s never going to show up. 

And it’ll be your fault. 

That’s what the looks they’ll give you will say. Somehow, you’ve messed up this engagement before it could even really begin, because, of course, it’s the girl’s fault that the guy is an irresponsible idiot. 

You didn’t want to have to do this. Didn’t want to have to cave first. But you must. So you pick up your phone and send a message to a number you hoped you never would have to contact. 

A girl had given it to you earlier in the week. 

She seemed familiar, perhaps she’s one of the more popular students, not that you interact with them. God, just the thought sends shivers down your spine. But when you had seen her parting ways with Gojo, your feet took you to her faster than you could even process and she was smiling at you with a look of surprise. 

It’d be great to say the surprise was just because she hadn’t expected you to approach her but that would be a lie. She probably wasn’t expecting someone dressed like you to stand before her in broad daylight and not ask for a drop of her blood to offer up to your gods, or whatever else people tend to think about you. 

When you asked if you could get Gojo’s number for ‘something important’, she didn’t fight you, she simply smiled more softly and eagerly typed his number into your phone, flashing you a wink before saying she has a lecture on fluid dynamics that she can’t miss. You assumed she was a physics student, not that she really gave you that vibe, but who are you to say anything?

You frown at his replies.

What a dick.

A honk breaks you out of your sudden violent desires to strangle and offer a certain frat president up for sacrifice, and you rush to put the dress on, already feeling the phantom ache in your feet at the thought of wearing insanely tall heels. 

You take one last look of your phone and sigh. 

This is going to be a long night.

On the other side of the city, however, lays a boy on a king sized bed. He’s shirtless, joggers hanging low on his hips as he glares at his ceiling, willing it to cave in and kill him right there and then. 

“Why did you give her my number?” 

A girl giggles on the other side of the bed. She’s wearing nothing but his shirt, typing frantically on her phone, most likely texting a certain blond tutor. Then with a sideways glance at the pouting child thumping his fist on the mattress to get her attention, she flicks his forehead with manicured nails. 

“Because,” she drags out, “she looked fun. I like her.”

Gojo groans. “You can’t like her. She’s the enemy!”

The girl rolls her eyes with a grin, half entertained by his theatrics and half excitedly waiting for Nanami’s reply. She had just sent a text asking him if he listens to music whilst having his ‘special alone time’, and the three dots dancing on the screen is making her heart skip a beat. 

A pillow gets smacked in her face and when it falls down, her view is obstructed by a pointed look. Focus on me and my dilemma or die, is what it says. 

What are they talking about again? Oh right. 

“She’s not the enemy, Satoru. She’s just like you.”

The white-haired man pouts even harder. He doesn’t want to admit that the thought had already crossed his mind; she’s a pawn in the game just as he is. But he can’t accept her existence. Because to do so would be like accepting his parents plans, accepting that he has so little say in anything that goes on in his life, and ultimately submitting to the terrible fate of being a Gojo. 

His friend has returned to her phone, squealing in a way that makes Satoru wince, and he doesn’t want to ask what she’s blushing over. He’d kill her and himself if she shows him a dick pic again. 

Then, as if his mood has somehow lightened, he pokes the girl on her shoulder, ignoring the scowl she gives in return, and asks, almost absentmindedly, “Is she pretty? My….fiancée, I mean?”

Gojo doesn’t know her name. 

He’s sure someone had told him but anything to do with the word ‘engagement’ makes him blank out, static playing in his head. 

A devious smirk creeps up on her face, eyes dazzling with mischief as she looks over at her friend, lying on his stomach now, bright blue eyes twinkling with curiosity. It occurred to her, when he mumbled his question, that he has no idea what she looks like. Satoru is in for one hell of a shock when he finds out that the girl he had been envisioning as the most prissy little future housewife is actually someone he totally would do a double take over. 

It’s gonna be so fun to watch this whole thing play out, she thought. But she can’t make it easy for her stupid friend. Never. 

So, she returns her focus on her screen, biting her lip at Nanami’s stern ‘behave’ message and dangles the answer in Satoru’s face. 

“You know Choso, right? Sukuna’s younger cousin?”

He nods hurriedly, patience running very thin. 

But that’s all she’s willing to give. 

And Satoru groans, nose crinkling in irritation. Quick as lightning, he snatches her phone from her hands, and sends the most recent picture on her camera roll to the guy he’s been hearing too much about. 

“You didn’t…” 

Her tone is disbelieving, a horrified expression pulling her features down before she lunges for her phone and shrieks at the picture of her lying on the floor after slipping on olive oil in Gojo’s kitchen. Her face was distorted in a blur and her dress had ridden up to reveal a hot pink g-string. 

Nanami’s going to block her. 

He’s going to complain to Professor Yaga and it’ll all be over. 

Satoru shrugs and heads to his bathroom, using the excuse of needing a shower to cover up the fact that he has every intention of searching up what a certain art student looks like through socials. 

Sure, he could search for his fiancee directly, ask one of his assistants to gather a detailed file, but where’s the fun in that?

Through the door, he hears his friend’s panicked voice, desperately trying to rationalise that the reason why her tutor isn’t answering is because he’s busy and not because he’s calling the police on her for sexual harassment. 

She really is the dumb to his dumber because if she knew anything about men, then she’d know he’s totally jerking off to that picture. Nerds are more repressed than anyone else, so she’s gonna have to wait a little longer for him to regain sanity. 

Under the hot stream, Gojo’s thoughts shift to a different focus, a girl resembling Choso, the brooding artist cousin of Sukuna, the devil spawn. 

There’s simply no way he’d ever like someone like that. 

It’s impossible. 

Right? 

[prismalmelonman]

Touching on Gale, Wyll, and Halsin's traumas being a bit undermined in parts of the fandom

So one thing I notice on Twitter is how some people act about the bg3 characters whose abuses were perpetuated by women.

Gale specifically for this reason (but I will touch on others)bbecause I see him dismissed super often as "can't get over his ex".

But Gale's case obviously be has the line of Mystra being like "she was my muse, my teacher, and then my lover" and sure to some that's a red flag in itself (when it comes to adults I don't really give a fuck about teacher/student) but if you view it from not only Gale's own words "ive been connected with the weave for as long as i can remember"

And that doesn't distract from his genuine love of magic of course. And it also doesn't mean that he's actually been in connection with mystra for an amount of time.

However, if you ascend Gale, and he becomes a god, you get a bunch of new little things. Tara reminiscing of course, but you get a letter from Elminster, detailing that Mystra had Elminster scope out Gale when he was eight!

And sure is that pretty cool that he's a prodigy that got the attention of the goddess of magic at that age? Yes. Mystra is, however, known in forgotten Realms lore to seek young young boys who are in tune with magic to make into her chosen. And from context clues, her chosen can be anything from Elminster and Volo, dedicated wizards who try to keep things in check, etc etc. or they're somewhat of playthings to her.

Minsc also has a conversation where me mentions that weave-touched boys in his homeland were hidden away to hone their craft, then suspecting that it was because of Mystra, given Gale's case.

Gale always seems so proud that he got to bed a goddess, and on the surface, hell yeah, that's cool.

Gale continued to have her attention even as he went to Blackstaff Academy, and Mystra eventually did take him on as an apprentice directly to her, later making him her chosen, and sleeping with him.

The reason it bothers me that people dismiss all of Gale's stuff to just "he can't get over his ex" is because that's is like almost textbook grooming? She was in his life from a young age, shaping and moulding him up as he grew up to be her perfect chosen, rewarding him by sleeping with him, and so on. And then of course casting him away when he has his folly with the netherese orb (and to be fair, it very well could have looked like to her that he was trying to seize the power himself and yes the orb does siphon off weave. That is a problem for the mistress of the weave yes).

But she also tells gale to KILL HIMSELF for her forgiveness.

Gale is much more than "unable to be over his ex" this woman was in his life since he was a kid. She's almost all he has ever known. If course it's going to be difficult for him to 1. Say no to her. 2. Get over the fact that he's lost someone that he spent his literal entire life dedicated to. Honestly if asked, I don't even think Gale would acknowledge or really see that what he went through was, in fact, abuse until it was spelled out in front of him. (Which does happen somewhat with the player character pleading to him that killing himself for mystra's forgiveness is actually horrific and that he should in fact be angry for how he was treated)

Similarly, and this one has been discussed a lot, Wyll and Mizora. Wyll was 17 and actively trying to help his people. 17, in a vulnerable state, willing to do anything to help and prove himself. Mizora very clearly took advantage of him, and regards him as a "pet", refers to him being "leashed", and so on. Personally, I do dislike the sexualization of their relationship, because it very much is also grooming (although a different type. Rather than manipulating and shaping his life from the ground up, she takes advantage of a vulnerable and desperate state to manipulate and contract Wyll into doing her bidding. I won't go too deep I to this one because it has been discussed to hell and back. But I did wanna touch on Wyll's situation as well.

Also, Halsin as well, though that has also been discussed in many retrospectives by a very good friend of mine. Halsin's trauma often get dismissed due to his polyamory, open sexual nature, and his own somewhat diminishing/dismissal of it, which honestly I love the representation of, cause for a while I did that with my own trauma. Halsin was a sex slave to a house of Lolth-Sworn drow, a matriarchal society, where the men are generally used as fodder or for breeding, though male Lolth-Sworn drow can be wizards and rise in the ranks if wizardry, but are limited everywhere else. (Minthara mentions that the third male, and every subsequent male child after third are killed for being"useless"). Halsin often referred to them as "hosts" rather than being captors, (though he does touch on that if the Player Character threatens to sell him back into slavery). Again, everything I'd have to say here for Halsin has entirely been discussed top to bottom by a friend, their link is below!!

Anyway, long story short, I dislike it a lot when Gale, Wyll, and Halsin's traumas and abuses get diminished, even if/when the character themself doesn't see or acknowledge the abuse in the same lens that we, the players, do.

[feminist-furby-freak]

We need to talk about how men weaponize their marginalized identities to harass and manipulate women.

I recently was talking with a friend (for context she is biracial and black but often white passing) who was being harassed by the guy in the seat next to her on a long train ride. He was trying to get her number and get her to agree to go out with him and she kept refusing. Eventually he asked if it was because he was black and if she was being racist. He told her if he was a white man she would have no problem giving her his number. I’ve experienced pretty similar situations a few times. The first time this happened I was maybe 14 (for context I am white) and came home bawling that I had been racist against some man for turning down his advances. My mom was like, first of all you’re literally a child and second of all someone’s identity doesn’t entitle them to you. Ever. As progressive/left-leaning people who care deeply about issues of racism it can be hard to acknowledge the fact that SOME men of color or men of other marginalized identities knowingly use that fact against women. And to be clear this is not to diminish the history of racism and the ways white women have historically harmed (and still can) black men. But stuff like this needs to be talked about even though it is uncomfortable. Victims shouldn’t be expected to stay quiet because it might hurt marginalized men. Some activists condemned Alice Walker for publishing The Color Purple and writing about (black) male violence because they said it would hurt black men. Many of us know about the unrealistic standard of the “perfect victim” but what about the “perfect perpetrator.” You might have seen the recent case where a woman came forward after being assaulted by a black trans identified man and thousands of people were telling her she shouldn’t have called the police because he’s marginalized and at risk. As if her actual experience as a victim matters less than his potential for being victimized. Obviously other groups of men can do this as well (I know a woman who was coerced into sex by a disabled man who used that to manipulate her) but this is just the example I’ve experienced recently. My post about trans identified men weaponizing their transness to sleep with women has gotten a lot of attention and I just wanted to address other ways male entitlement plays out.

[ignisgalaxia]

With the release of Prodigy season 2, the Trek fandom finally has an answer to what Chakotay's native ancestry is. He's Nicarao, a tribe from the western region of Nicaragua who actually share a common ancestry with the Nahua Aztecs of Mexico. The show even mentions the island of Ometepe specifically, which is the largest island in Lake Nicaragua made up of two volcanoes.

The reason this is so important to me is because my dad and his family are from Nicaragua. I’ve been getting more in touch with those roots over the last year or so, and I’ve found it very frustrating how there seems to be no Nica representation in media, at least not in the mainstream. But when I found out that Chakotay was a fellow Nica, I was literally bouncing off the walls. To think, one of my favorite characters has the same ancestry as me (well, almost, but I’ll get to that later)! When I told my dad, he laughed so hard because he never would’ve imagined.

But I haven’t seen a lot of people talking about this aspect. I get it, it’s a minuscule part of the wild ride that was season 2. But I’d really like us as a fandom to discuss this more. I mean, we literally don’t have to guess what tribe he’s from anymore!

So since nobody else has come forward, I am going to claim myself as the only member of the Voyager-Prodigy fandom with actual Nicaraguan ancestry, and am making this post to give firsthand information about the Nicarao and the nation as a whole.

Firstly, some context. My dad was born in Managua, the capital of Nicaragua, and lived there with his family until he was 7. Then they fled the country due to the Contra War that was going on. My grandfather was born and raised in Bluefields, a city on the country's Carribean coast, then went to college in Mexico where he met my grandmother. Neither of them are Nicarao, and are in fact very European (the DNA tests proved it). However, when they were all living in Managua, my grandparents had a handful of maids that worked for them (they had six kids they needed some help), and a couple of them were Nicarao. Specifically, they were natives from a village in the nearby mountains. So while I don't have info on natives from Ometepe, I do have some on the people in general.

The maids lived with my dad's family during the week and would go home to their village on the weekends. They primarily spoke Spanish, but he would occasionally catch them speaking in their native tongue which I assume is Nahua.

My dad recounted a time when the maids invited the family to their village for a day trip. He said they were living in Adobe houses and had lots of livestock (cattle, chickens, goats, etc) as well as horses, which he apparently rode for the first time there. He also said most of the natives had two primary weapons: a machete to cut crops and other vegetation, and a 22 single shot rifle. They used the rifles to shoot iguanas off trees. Iguanas and iguana eggs are a delicacy in Nicaragua that the natives are experts at making.

This is a direct quote from my grandmother when I asked her about what she remembered of them:

The people I knew, they were good and hard working people. Smart, happy, funny… they really are sociable, like to talk and say jokes invented with their mind and history. The women were skillful, knew how to survive. They cooked, cleaned, planted crops and vegetables. Good merchants, they really knew how to sell and buy.

I wish I had more info to share, but unfortunately season 2 could not have been released at a worse time because my grandfather has recently begun developing Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia and has been losing his memory over the last few months. Even when my dad and I were with him in May and I asked him to recount his earlier life, he repeated himself a few times since he evidently had forgotten he'd already told us those parts. If I had known how fast he’d be deteriorating, I would’ve started my work sooner.

If I do end up learning anything more from my relatives, I’ll update the post. For now, I hope this is of some use to people. And if anyone has questions about Nicaraguan culture in general, I’ll be happy to pass them along to my dad.

[xxsabitoxx]

How to make the Pillars blush

All 18+ Pillars x Gender Unspecified Reader

Warnings: suggestive content, nothing super crazy

A/N: just some quick Headcanons cause the idea came to mind lol. I gotta really zone in on one or two of my WIPs rather than post unplanned content but…oh well here we are.

Tomioka Giyu

Show genuine interest in what he has to say

Don't break eye contact with him

Smile at him, depending on the context, will get his cheeks rosy

Brush your hand along his thigh

Make him his favorite meal and tell him you want to see him try it

Get really close to him to whisper something

Look at him through your lashes

Compliment him out of the blue

Brush his hair for him

Suck on his neck with the intent of leaving a mark

Kocho Shinobu

Bring her a meal while she works

Make it so she has to look up to talk to you

Hold her hand

Compliment her appearance or her personality

Kiss her cheek when others are around

Grope her breasts while she tries to sleep

When you look at her with lidded eyes, even if you're just tired. Her mind likes to wander

Jokingly asking her for a 'check up' or a 'physical exam'

Massage her thighs, can be with more intent or could just be from habit while sitting beside her

Say "I Love You" because she struggles to say it herself sometimes, often opting for different phrases

Rengoku Kyojuro

Tell him he's handsome

Sit with him until he's done eating

Make him his favorite meal

Make a dirty joke while in public

Feel his muscles / clinging to his arms

Move closer to him to feel safer if you're in a bad situation

Whisper in his ear about the things you want him to do to you / the things you want to do to him

Place your head on his chest while you sleep

Offer to do his hair for him, getting on your tip-toes to see better even though he offered to sit

Tell him how much you love and adore him

Uzui Tengen

Is everything a good answer? You wouldn't believe the number of things that make this 6'6 man blush

Hold his hand so he can see and feel the size difference

Offer to do his makeup, getting really close to do it

Rest your head against his shoulder

Kiss his jaw, neck, and chest

Wear his clothing

Watch him work out, don't hide the fact that you just want to see his sweaty, toned skin

Ask to bathe with him and offer to clean him

Straddle his waist while he's sitting or laying in bed, place your hands on his chest and feel his heart pick up in pace

Play with his hair, twirl it around your fingers, tug on it

Kanroji Mitsuri

Literally just exist

Tell her she's gorgeous

Eat with her, pay for her meal

Give her gifts that are meaningful

Cuddle her, be the big spoon and don't be shy to let her try being the big spoon once in a while

Bathe with her, wash her hair for her, massage her shoulders, her back, her scalp

Tell her the things you want to do to her, tell her how badly you want to do them

Kiss her first, take the lead and don't be afraid to be a bit rough, using tongue will turn her into putty in your hands

Tell her you want her to leave a mark on you, that you want everyone to know who you're with

Say I love you, hold eye contact while you say it

Iguro Obanai

Thank him, be patient with him

Show no fear of / acknowledging Kaburamaru

Write to him often

Tell him he doesn’t have to take off his bandages if he doesn’t want to. He appreciates your understanding

Kiss his scars, he’s hesitant at first but he finds it makes him relax

Whisper to him, lips close to his ear, body pressed to his shoulder / arm

Run your hands along his sides, hold his hips, rub circles there with your thumb

Hold his hand while at the pillar meeting, hell, try and climb the tree and sit there with him

Kiss him over his bandages

Tell him you want to give him head, he’s a sucker for it

Shinazugawa Sanemi

Match his energy, giving him his attitude right back will have his cheeks turning red

Make dirty jokes / comments in front of others “you wanna fuck me so bad, huh?” — turn his attitude against him

Compliment his scars and his muscles

Fuss over him if he’s injured, be persistent even if he pushes away

Kiss his face scars, kiss his hand scars

Run your hand over his exposed uniform, act like you’re doing it absentmindedly 

Wear his clothing to bed / as little clothing as possible

Look him in the eye and tell him you love him, don’t look away until he says it back

Flash him some puppy eyes, pout your lip a bit, it’s impossible for him to say no when you do that

As for his opinion on what you should wear, model it for him after.

Himejima Gyomei

Hold his hand, the size difference has him melting

Buy him small gifts, tell him it’s because they remind you of him (he’ll always cherish them)

Kiss his forehead, he’s quite tall so it’s an accomplishment if you manage to do it (usually you’ll catch him by surprise while he’s sitting)

Hug his arm when you’re sitting side by side or laying in bed. Even standing next to him, keeping him close makes him blush

Wipe his tears for him, it’s a gentle act that honestly makes him cry more but you’ll notice his cheeks have turned a shade of pink

Take care of him, being the strongest is hard work

Lay your head… or even your full body… on top of him to go to bed

Kiss his nose, it kills him every time

Compliment him, like as often as possible

Tell him how much you adore his thighs… those things could crush a bolder never mind your head

[a2l1y1]

Can you keep a secret?

ft. Bsf Ellie Williams.

Summary ➜ You’ve always had a crush on your best friend, but you never got the chance to tell her. Both of you have horrible love love relationships status, you knew this wouldn’t work.

Warnings ➜ a LOT of smut. Praising, degrading, use of strap, receiving, teasing, use of alchocol, drugs, cigarettes, making out etc. Idk, lesbian things🤗 .And obviously Ellie being a total loser.

disclaimer : I have a little bad grammar when it comes to explicit/smut writing, and generally my English sucks.

PS: A LOT OF WRITING HERE 😫!!!!

(And basically too much writing so I don’t wanna use my time into checking for any bad spelling or mistakes here, if you can’t understand then uh, try to? Anyways.)

You always had a crush on Ellie. Whether it was seeing and listening to her talk about dinosaurs or yapping about the galaxy, the stars, the planets, just Ellie being Ellie herself, you loved and admired her. You always visited her and stayed over at her apartment, which was calmly quiet except for the times that you would bring a karaoke and blasted off some music until three in the morning singing and yelling with Ellie.

Ellie loved ranting to you about her romantic love life. Which, obviously as a best friend you’d be glad and excited that she has enough trust in you to talk into extreme details about her horrible relationship status. But, as a Ellie being your forever and obsessive crush whom you’d literally drop in your knees if she asked, even as a joke? You felt like complete shit. Having to suck up your excessive amount of jealousy you would’ve gotten over every single girl who was lucky enough to kiss Ellie was insane. So right when you would’ve gotten the chance to be alone away from Ellie or finally at your apartment, your room or your car, you’d just start sobbing over the thoughts of Ellie touching, kissing and loving other girls. You hated the fact of Ellie being so clueless she couldn’t see how bad you were for her, that’s why out of pure jealousy you’d scare away her dates every single time you could.

Like for example Cat; Ellie and Cat met around December? You and Ellie were at Jesse’s random party which he threw as a celebration for Dina’s score of something, nobody cared about the context. Which, honest speaking, everyone just went there and had a blast for the alcohol and the beer. Long story short you purposely dropped some wine on her white crop top and pastel blue jeans. You told her Ellie was taken so she could at least get an idea to go away.

But hey, sometimes you let Ellie have some dates to just cover yourself up so it’s not so suspicious that nobody in town wants to go with Ellie Williams, even if it hated your guts.

“Well, uh how did it go with that brunette girl, Katy was it?” You asked Ellie as you sat on her bed, legs crossed as you brushed your wet and messy hair, looking for a conversation while Ellie read a book beside you. “Hmm, I guess it was okay but I don’t think she’s into me, definitely straight.” Ellie answered as she turned her page over, marking her page up as she looked over to you and gave a soft shrug. You couldn’t help but to give an awkward smile back, having to play it ‘cool’ with Ellie was not your thing, but since you’ve been crushing over her for a while you tried to get the hang of it. “Well uh hey there’s plenty of other girls for you, maybe just not her” you sighed sarcastically, knowing you were excited and surprised that this girl failed just like the rest.

“Man I just think these girls are playing, I want a relationship like I dunno… maybe something that lasts more than just a conversation?” Ellie groaned as she closed her book playfully aggressive, turning to look at you while you finished brushing your hair and doing a little and simple ponytail. You laughed, Ellie just arguing about her hopeless relationships was cute, avoiding the fact you were the main reason why they didn’t worked but let’s skip that.

“Okay well y’know what? Let’s avoid that question then.” You answered as you dropped your head over Ellie’s shoulder, fidgeting and playing with her hand, admiring her tattoo. “Well, what about you? You barely talk about your boyfriends?” questioned Ellie as she gently moved your head, trying to make a firm and excited eye contact, waiting for your love drama. You haven’t told Ellie that you weren’t exactly ‘straight’ since obviously the only girl you were desperate to date was her, you just tried to find dates to fill the void with stupid and clueless guys who didn’t wanted anything but sex.

“Well uhm.. I don’t think I’m seeing Troy anymore, he asked me for nudes the third week of going out, and I don’t know feels weird.” You shrugged as you took your glasses off and began to clean them. “Oh shit uh damn… guys suck” Ellie answered as she tried to find a proper answer, she was horrible at comforting you but always tried to give her best effort at it.

“Well hey, you deserve so much better than that. I bet a lot of guys would want to treat you good and buy you flowers.” Ellie tried to comfort you as she placed her hand on your knee, softly rubbing it with her thumb as an act of love and comfort. You quickly felt embarrassed, needing to stay firm and regain control of yourself. “Y-yeah thanks els.” You relied as you checked your phone, it was two in the morning.

“Hey els, I think I should just go home” you pointed out as you softly put your things on your bag, it was too late and you weren’t having it. “Wait but it’s too late, why can’t you stay over?” Ellie suggested as she rapidly stood up and took her crocs off, turning some blue led lights on and turning the main lights off, throwing you some pillows and getting on her bed again. This was Ellie’s way of begging you to stay over, which cmon, it was Ellie. How could you decline her requests? You sighed, knowing it would be worse for you to stay calm but it was too late, Ellie was right. “Okay fine, only because it’s just too late and I don’t feel like driving” you groaned playfully as you got under Ellie’s dinosaur fluffy blanket.

- -

it was approximately four in the morning. That’s what you can at least remember, you couldn’t sleep, not at all. Ellie was knocked out, sleeping on your neck as if she hasn’t slept for decades. Her body wrapped around yours, she loved cuddling you at night. You were flushed and sweaty, couldn’t keep your eyes off Ellie at all. Her heavy breathing close to your neck, her body around yours, her arms on your waist, this was making you an absolute mess. You couldn’t breathe properly, your rhythm was not synced right, you could swear everyone on the apartment floor could hear your heartbeats of how loud and fast you felt them. On a good hand, this was good, but knowing how bad you are over Ellie? This wasn’t so enjoyable. Worse thing about sleeping with Ellie was that she is a horrible sleeper, she moves and constantly. her hands felt as if she was wandering around your body, this made you feel as guilty as possible. Before both of you said your good nights, you took off your shirt since you assumed this would happen, and you hated being sweaty. But now? You were regretting it, feeling every inch of Ellie’s hands around you felt as if every gasp of air you took was thicker.

“Fuck, els… move the fuck away from me.” You whispered as you tried to take her hands away from your waist, but every time you moved her away, she would just grab you again and tighter. You could’ve just sworn this was just some silly prank and she was wide awake of how strong her grip was on your body. The guilty feeling of being so needy over this but knowing it was wrong repeated over your head. After minutes of silence and stress you decided to shift sides to the complete opposite direction of Ellie’s face, it was tough to move but you successfully did it. Regardless of your hard effort of trying to get Ellie away from you, Ellie’s cold hands gripped on your waist tighter, pulling you closer to her. You tried your best to bite your lower lip as hard as possible, needing to hold onto a whimper that was so close to escaping your lips. Ellie was basically spooning you now, and you felt as bad as before. Just imagining of the possible scenarios, but quickly coming into realization of how wrong you were for every thing of this. Ellie’s hands roaming around your waist as if you were some body pillow had you sweating like you ran a marathon and did 60 miles in less than an hour. Guilty of this thoughts and emotions, you forcefully pushed away Ellie’s hands away, needing to get a little air on your body and controlling your breaths. You knew this was wrong, but fuck it, you weren’t doing anything but Ellie being a horrible and heavy sleeper. You stood up from her bed, and slipped down your pants. You were just on some sports bra and boxers you stole from Ellie earlier. Sighing at the exhaustion and stress, you assumed it’ll be better to sleep on Ellie’s couch. So you did, you walked over to the living room, gently opening the door with a pillow and a blanket and you threw yourself on the couch.

“Wake up what the fuck are you doing on my couch???” Ellie yelled as she threw some pillows on your face, it was 8 am already. You felt as if it was seconds ago you tried sleeping and failed.

“Shit it’s your fault for being a bad sleeper I had to leave your room” you groaned as you hid your face under her dinosaur blanket, which didn’t help so much since Ellie quickly grabbed the blanket aggressively and tried to throw you off on her floor. “Listen, I know I’m a bad sleeper but don’t steal my dinosaur blanket.”

After a long session of playful arguments with Ellie you left her apartment. Still having the crazy flashbacks of last night that didn’t let you sleep at all. You decided to drive over to Dina’s place because aside Ellie being your best friend, she was your crush. And who could you talk about your crushes if your best friend IS the crush? Dina.

“Girl are you fucking with me right now? You didn’t woke her up and let her make you a mess.. you’re….full of stuff yeah” Dina chuckled as she took a sip of her wine, looking at you concerned knowing how many years you’ve been trying to avoid talking to Ellie about your feelings or anything, actually. “Dina, I swear I couldn’t talk she had her hands all over me how was I supposed to remain caaaalmmmm” you sighed as you scratched your cheeks stressfully. Dina shook her head, she hated seeing you like this. “Have you fucked someone before? Like actually, I think you might need some sex in your life. You definitely need a break from Ellie.” she suggested as she handed over a party flyer.

“Jesse is throwing another party tonight, you should come well dressed and hook up with someone, I doubt Ellie is coming today since cat might be there but it’s a great opportunity for you.” Dina added as she stood up and walked to the kitchen to wash her cup. “Are you sure? I feel guilty, I haven’t been able to go on dates knowing Ellie is the only one on my mind.” You confessed as you stood up and followed the girl, feeling like you’d go crazy. “Well, that’s a you problem girl, you need to find someone else to fill the void or else you’ll go crazy, go for Abby, I heard she likes you.” Dina responded as she opened her door and walked away with you to her balcony.

“Abby likes me? As in the actual Abby?” You widened your eyes in shock, how could Abby be into you knowing there’s tons of hotter girls who tried hitting her. “I guess I could I dunno.. try” you added as you kept thinking. “That’s the spirit! I’ll see you at Jesse’s house tonight then.” Dina smiled as she playfully punched your shoulder, she needed to find a way to cheer you up and remove Ellie from your head.

- -

Pink or pastel blue? You couldn’t decide. What am I even supposed to wear for this party if I wasn’t gonna impress Ellie Williams, but instead Abby, what is Abby even into? You felt weird, but maybe if you dressed as yourself you’d get something. You had your head fuzzed off by the guilt of knowing you’d finally do your shot with someone else after a while. That’s when your phone vibrated and you heard a notification; it was Ellie.

“Hey, r u up? What r u doing.” 11:08 pm.

You didn’t know what to tell her, going on a party without actually telling her or inviting her felt horrible. What if she caught you and Abby talking? What if she thinks you’re dating Abby and she liked you? What if Dina already invited her and she appears out of nowhere? No, you were overthinking. But lying felt horrible.

“I’m just trying on some clothes.” - 11:15 pm

“Ooo can I see? If not it’s ok loll” - 11:16 pm

Your face flushed, but you felt shitty. Showing your outfit to Ellie knowing it’s meant for Abby destroyed your thoughts completely. You didn’t wanted to hurt Ellie, but fuck this honestly, you knew Ellie wouldn’t just like you back, right? You’re her best friend but it still hurt.

“Nty, I don’t look so good anyways I don’t wanna show you my ugly side.” - 11:20 pm

“Lmao you’re never ugly but ok :))” - 11:22 pm

You wanted to scream. Little messages like this would’ve just made you go crazy over Ellie fucking Williams. But you couldn’t show her you were desperate on texting her either, so leaving her on read was more acceptable for you.

After minutes of deciding your last choice was a pastel pink crop top with some light jeans and some Adidas. You heard Abby wasn’t a Nike fan so maybe Adidas would do the trick, avoiding the fact your Nikes were all creasy and some of them weren’t so clean. You meet up with Dina and Jesse at the party and they greeted you as you walked in.

“Finally you’re here, I assumed you didn’t felt like coming.” Dina chuckled as she hugged you and offered a drink. “I just didn’t know what to wear, am I too overdressed?” You asked as you accepted Dina’s drink, walking over to the kitchen with her. “No you’re just perfect, make sure to have fun today and don’t think about you know who.” Dina added as she smiled and winked, she pointed out that Abby usually likes to smoke on the balcony or talk with people on the second floor rooms. But you had other plans, you’d just let things flow and you decided to walk away and explore your way out of things.

Maybe a little initiative won’t hurt, right? You decided to look for Abby on some rooms, accidentally opening ‘occupied’ rooms but needing to find her and distract your head. That’s until you opened a room and all the stored smoke left to your face as you slowly walked in and saw Abby sitting on a bed.

“Hi.” You awkward said as you closed the door and walked infront of Abby. “Uh hey, what’s up?” She asked in concern, you didn’t know what to talk about.

“I… uh can I stay here with you? If you don’t mind of course.” You awkwardly said as you sat on the bed beside Abby, giving her a soft smile. “Oh of course go ahead” Abby replied as she returned a smile and offered you her joint. “No thanks I don’t smoke” you chuckled as she widened her eyes in confusion.

“But aren’t you Ellie’s friend? I thought you smoked with her” Abby questioned as she looked at you with concern, and a little bit of something else. “No.. no, I mean yes Ellie smokes but I’m not really into it, I prefer drinking even tho she loves to offer me.” You chuckled awkwardly. Your whole point of being with Abby was to avoid thinking and talking about Ellie, which it made you feel uncomfortable. “Oh I see, well how have you been? Why did you wanted to see me?” Abby asked with a soft smile on her face while she studies your expressions and the way you talk.

“I just wanted to talk to you that’s all.” You replied in a soft tone as you trying to avoid eye contact. “Listen, if it’s about what people have said, it’s true. I do like you and I know we haven’t actually had any proper conversations like this but don’t feel pressured into talking to me.” Abby quickly confessed as she looked over to you and grabbed your face softly, forcing eye contact. “I… I don’t know, I just thought we could talk and.. well—” You were starting to stutter and overstimulate. You never liked Abby and you couldn’t find anything to respond or comfort her, the guilt was starting to reach your core and it wasn’t good.

“Hey hey that’s okay calm down oka..—” Abby tried to talk to you as she softly placed a hand on your knee, which disclaimer, Ellie loved doing that to show you comfort. You couldn’t take it any longer. You stood up and left the room, tears forming on your eyes as you left with no response. You gently rubbed your watery eyes, not fully paying attention to where you were walking as you went downstairs to get a drink. How the fuck could you be so normal talking to Ellie knowing you loved her? You hated pretending you were just fine. Maybe it was the drink Dina offered you making you this sensitive, or maybe the night was not yours. Too many thoughts forming on your head you didn’t noticed you bumped over someone.

“Hey, you okay? What’s wrong?” That voice, those words just felt recognizable. It was Ellie. “Wait..— are you crying?” She added as she tried to take your hands away from your face gently to look at you more clearly. You couldn’t help it but to tear up and hug her. “Love, did someone made you cry?” Her words were so reassuring but how could you tell her she was the reason you were crying? When you got a glimpse of the place and your eyes weren’t that watery as Ellie rubbed your back and hugged you, you noticed Dina looking at you with concern, and a little disappointed. She only wanted you to focus on you, but there you were; all over Ellie Williams once again.

Ellie didn’t enjoy seeing you cry, instead she took both of you out of that party and drove you to her apartment. Once she got to her apartment she walked you to her room and made you completely comfortable. She threw her dinosaur blanket ontop of you, kissed your forehead and brought you some ice cream she had on her fridge and sat down beside you. Honestly, you loved Ellie even if sometimes she was a little loser, but you couldn’t deny she treated you amazing just for being her best friend.

“Why were you talking with Abby.” You heard Ellie asking you in soft murmurs as she crossed her arms and looked over you from her side of the bed, a little bit more serious now than some seconds ago. “What… what do you mean?” You asked confused, just how did she found out?

“Abby texted me some minutes ago you left a room crying after you guys talked ” the word ‘talked’ was mocked into sarcastic air quotes as Ellie turned her phone off to directly look at you. “Just what were you talking with the famous Abby Anderson” She raised an eyebrow as she watched you with a firm tone. “If I’m being honest, I don’t know, Dina told me to go to that party and I had no one to talk to so maybe talking to her was the trick.” You halfway lied, it was true in a point but the other was just to distract your mind from Ellie.

“And you thought talking to Abby, which almost the entire town knows she has a crush on you, was the best way out. Right?” She groaned as she stood up and did her ponytail while rolling her eyes. You were confused, why was she making a big deal out of you only talking with Abby Anderson? Yeah she was popular but it wasn’t a big deal, not for you at least. “Wait are you fighting me for talking with her?” You asked, deeply concerned about the vibe Ellie was having.

“I’m not fighting you, I just I don’t like the way she randomly fucking texts me at one in the morning to mention me both of you talked on a room knowing I hate her.” She confessed, she looked so disgusted by the thought of you and Abby speaking, aside the fact she assumed it was something else you just didn’t understand.

“Wait. You’re assuming I fucked Abby and left crying?” You quickly understood, Ellie was jealous.

“You’re jealous” you confronted, as you widened your eyes on concern. “What? No im not, im not jealous of anything.” Ellie murmured as she dropped her hands and looked down at you with an annoyed expression. “You are jealous, why would you be so angry about me talking with Abby Anderson, yes I know you hate her, but I was just talking to her like any other human being just like you do too?” You mentioned, both of you knew that you hated people too, yet Ellie continues to speak with them normally, so what was the difference here?

“You’re just jealous.” You added as you looked at Ellie, trying to hold your laugh back.

“Okay so? What if I am? What now?” Ellie confessed as she rolled her eyes, annoyed at your lack of curiosity. “well… maaaaaybe THIS—” you yelled as you pushed her on the side of the bed, as you quickly got ontop of her and straddled her from above.

Ellie, fully off guard now tried to get off before reaching out and using her fingers to tickle you. She forcefully pushed you beside her as she rapidly climbed on top of you, now both of you start tickling and tugging each others arms and legs. Though, Ellie’s leg found a way between yours and every time you moved, your cunt brushed with the roughness of her jeans and the thinness of the shorts you were currently on.

Every time her leg brushes against your clit you whimper but try your best to cover it up with a giggle or poking her extra hard, but there was this one time that her leg brushed your now soaked cunt and you moaned her name uncontrollably loud.

“E-els.. fuuuck..—!” You moaned out. Ellie immediately stopped in her tracks. She looked at you with wide eyes.

"w-what did you say?" Ellie questions, fully confused and shocked by the sudden noise which came out of your mouth.

“Fuck.. your leg your- please take it off” You shut your eyes completely off as you tried to push her leg away softly, as she quickly noticed. “Oh shit- I’m so sorry fuck” Her face immediately flushed, embarrassed by not noticing this earlier. She got off of you and decided to go right to her closet and chance. And probably avoid you for some minutes.

You felt like your soul would rip out of you right there. You were so embarrassed and so soaked by her touch it was unbelievable. But before you know it, Ellie came back into some short basketball pants and a large T-shirt, with her face extremely flushed, standing over your side of the bed;

“I’m sorry about uh that, but if you feel uncomfortable I can sleep on the couch tonight-” she quickly spoke, trying to break the awkward silence between you too. You knew staying was gonna make you horribly guilty, maybe leaving was the best option.

“Nono it’s fine, I think I’ll go home. Talk to you some other time, els?” You responded, softly standing up and getting your things, you could notice her face looked like if she felt the same way too. God why was it so embarrasing? Was it your dramatic and loud moaning or the fact you liked her that had you this way, and even worse what was Ellie thinking? Your head felt dizzy of how much you kept overthinking. Years of hiding your feelings towards Ellie felt like they were thrown and drained by this simple mistake.

- -

You were at your apartment. Overthinking the situation over and over, your mind was all fuzzy and you felt so bad about yourself. Was your friendship with Ellie gone now? Would she see you differently? God would she tell anyone about that? So many thoughts and questions running through every inch of your body you didn’t know what to do. No notifications from her, no calls, nothing. It was 2 in the morning and you couldn’t sleep at all. Maybe if you got Ellie a present or some chocolates and apologize it’ll all work out?

So that’s what you did. You drove over to an open 24 hour gas station, and look over something that might cheer Ellie up. That’s when you found a CD on the movie section. It was Game of Thrones. You’ve never seen the film but you do remember Ellie yapping about wanting to see it but not being able to afford HBO Max. This and some chocolates will do.

You were at Ellie’s apartment door. Afraid of entering, knocking or even the thought of opening it. You took a big breath and let it out as a huge sigh, grabbing the doorknob to gently open it. You and Ellie had the trust of just opening your doors without hesitation so, you did.

“Els, I got you a present, and I miss you so uh yea..” you spoke as you tried searching for Ellie everywhere. No response from her though, she wasn’t on her usual spot on the living room, neither on the couch or bathroom. That’s when you walked softly through the hallway and heard rough grunting and moaning coming from Ellie’s room. You quickly stopped. Was she with someone this quickly? Who was she fucking? Just the thought of Ellie’s hands roaming around someone’s body made your heart ache. Being jealous wasn’t the right thing now, but leaving didn’t felt either.

Her door wasn’t even fully closed, was it a sign to come in? The curiosity killed you inside. you’ll get so killed for this, but you need to know. And so, you slowly walked to her door, just a peek of the girls she’s fucking will do. Shit. You couldn’t see a thing, if you opened her door hard enough they’ll notice. So you tried to gently and softly move the door a little, just to take a quick peek at Ellie and whoever was at her room. That’s when you heard Ellie grunt your name and your eyes widened.

“Fuck.. jus’ like that.” Ellie grunted as you noticed she wasn’t fucking anyone but herself. Her hands tightly wrapped around a sex toy as she used her strap to fuck it aggressively. Your face immediately became red. You’ve never heard Ellie nor seen her act like this. You couldn’t move, neither did you felt like leaving, why was watching her fuck herself felt so good? you’ve always thought of Ellie as caring, a loser girlfriend who’d take you to Walmart since she has no idea what your favorite mall is or sing you a lullaby before you’d sleep.

Ellie kept grinding on, moaning and breathing heavily as she kept groaning at the toy, repeatedly saying your name; she was fucking herself to the thought of you. You felt so needy, you could swear you could feel your urging cunt’s pulse. Soaked by the view, needing to be the one below Ellie right now, not that toy. Without taking your eyes off Ellie, you lowered your free hand, teasing your cunt though your pants. Staring firmly at Ellie, resisting to blink and miss any detail. You pressed your clit harshly, biting your lip to avoid moaning or leaving any noises to expose you.

Desperately, you unbuttoned your jeans, slipping your hand below your panties as you felt just how fucking soaked you were by staring at Ellie fuck herself. You sighed at the feeling, softly rubbing and playing with your clit, trying your best to follow Ellie’s movements. Feeling the need for more, you slipped two fingers inside of you, uncontrollably moaning at the feeling of your walls tightening, immediately shutting your eyes.

Ellie quickly stopped, she could’ve sworn she heard a moan. She looked over at the half opened door, noticing how you touched yourself just by looking at her, she parted her lips, staying agape at the view of you. She covered her toy and rapidly unbuckling her strap, throwing it on the other side of the bed as she came over to you. Shocked by it, you took your hand off of your pants and walked in with the CD.

“I… I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come over, but I uh got you this.” You handed her the cd as you couldn’t help but to share at her soaked boxers.

“How long have you…. Um y’know been staring there?” Ellie asked as she looked at you, speaking with a lower tone than the usual. You were too horny for this, you quickly pushed Ellie to her bed, getting on top of her. “S-shit hey what are you—” Ellie groaned as you interrupted her with a kiss. You knew this friendship was gonna lead to something or nothing, might as well risk it now, right? The kiss was very deepened by now, your lips felt numb to the point you didn’t even know how to think clearly. Your body was on fire and Ellie’s hands were exploring every inch of you. You couldn’t control yourself, just not anymore. Loudly moaning and whimpering was all you could do.

“F-fuck please lower your voice joel is gonna kill me for this.” Ellie groaned as she shut your mouth with her free hand, the other exploring through your pants as she pressed her thumb on your clit.

You groaned, your clit was so sensitive and so puffy by nothing, you needed her inside of you as quick as possible. Gently, you took Ellie’s hand out of your mouth as you lowered it to your breasts. “Els.. please I need you to fuck me s’bad..” you moaned as you looked at her hand on your pants, teasing you with a smirk on her face.

“Yeah baby, need me to fuck your little hole so bad?” Ellie mocked as she chuckled at how vulnerable you were; she loved this view. “Take this off.” She groaned, as she kissed you, unable to let you do any noise nor speak, needing you to obey. And so you did, you were now half naked with only your underwear and bra on. Ellie bit her lip as she stared at every inch of your body.

“Fuck… you look so gorgeous baby.” Ellie groaned lowly, not taking her eyes off of you. She quickly grabbed her strap that was beside her from earlier, buckling it under her boxers as she grabbed your thighs and separated them and got in between both to arrange herself right into your needy cunt. “You don’t know how much I’ve been wanting this.” She sighed as she gently caressed your soaked cunt through your panties, rubbing softly your clit as she then grabbed your panties and slid them to the side, wanting to have a better view of you before fucking you. “So wet for me baby, already?” She smirked, licking her fingers as she rubbed your clit in gentle circles, looking how you took her so good, whimpering and jolting at the bare minimum. You couldn’t bare this feeling, you shut your eyes fast, needing to savor this moment you’ve been waiting for. That’s when you felt Ellie’s strap slowly getting inside of your tight walls, so long and thick, making your cunt feel so full of her. “F-fuuuuuckkk….!” You moaned as your eyes widened in shock, just looking how good your pussy was with her fucking you slowly, getting you to enjoy every little movement she’d do to you before going rough.

And Ellie enjoyed this, the need to tease you before dumb fucking you, seeing you so weak and needy for her strap it was incredible. “Wait wait please els go faster s’good…” you whimpered, these slow motion was making feel your cunt’s pulse, a strange feeling but felt so good. And before you knew it, Ellie pushed her strap more inside of you, now doing faster and rougher movements to hurry your ecstasy. “Fuck fuck fuck els els—” you immediately rolled your eyes back, grabbing the bed sheets as hard as you could. You could feel your walls tightening around Ellie’s strap, close to coming down from your high. The strap kept jumping on and twitching on Ellie’s clit, enjoying the view and the feeling, you could listen to her huffs and groaning, just felt so right. “You’re close aren’t you my love?” Ellie smiled, adoring the way you looked on her strap, how close you were into relieving the stress and desperation of being actually noticed by Ellie. Not as your best friend, but as something else. And you could’ve sworn, that even if Ellie didn’t liked you back, you would prefer of being her fuck doll than just keeping your feelings hidden for much longer. “Fuck fuck fuck…..—!!” You moaned loudly, releasing your ecstasy and coming from your fuzzy high, cumming into Ellie’s strap as she pushed deeper, making sure her entire cunt felt your wet slick. “Yessss fuuuuck, jus’ like that, good girl.” She sighed as she softly rubbed your puffy clit. Softly pulling her strap away, you couldn’t help but to move your hips involuntarily to follow her strap. Feeling so empty and so needier.

“Els..” you couldn’t help but to sob. “What is it baby?” Ellie asked as she wiped your tears off, laying beside you as she gently grabbed your waist to pull you on her chest, cuddling you up to make you feel better. “Did you not like it?” She added as she kissed your cheek.

“I like you, I’ve liked you for so long els I… I wanna be with you, I want you to love me.” You whispered on her ear, too weak to yell, cry or to even do the minimum effort into confessing when you felt your heart beating so hard you felt you’d die right there.

“It’s okay, I like you too. But let’s talk about this later, you need to rest. WE need to rest.” She assured you, as she caressed your cheeks, placing your head on her chest as she gently rubbed your back, using her free hand to get her dinosaur blanket and cover both of you up.

[slackerlifewhere]

random thought #4: no romance

I appreciate that the author doesn't add a romantic subplot for her characters just because they're of the opposite sex.

Like Cage and Taylor who, if this is a tv show, would've immediately been tagged as a couple even if they're just good friends. They're the best of friends who really care deeply for each other and right from the start, I never saw their bond as a romantic one. It's special since they understand each other so well because of their burdens and similar sense of humor. Like imagine how devastated Cage must've been in TBoaH. It must've been like losing a part of herself, her other half.

Yeah, I can see the idea that they can be a couple but it's so nice to see that the author just focuses on their friendship throughout the first part of TCF instead.

Then there's that time when Cale had Rosalyn and Choi Han help out Lock.

Cale clapped once, before pointing at Choi Han and Rosalyn.

“That is why we will pretend that you are the mother and father, or, if you do not like that scenario, then you shall be the older brother and older sister. You two will need to figure out how to protect him.”

- Chapter 30: You

I love the fact that Cale just gives them options to choose from so they can feel comfortable with each other. Especially since he knows they literally just met a few days ago. I also think that they just give off sibling vibes. Like Rosalyn and Choi Han never gave off anything else but friendship or family vibes and it's just so nice to see it happen.

I don't hate romance, okay? I actually love them. That is, when I look for that specific genre. If I'm not looking for it and it's there, I usually feel annoyed. Sometimes, it's not tagged but it still happens in the story.

I just find it exhausting at times when novels or tv shows push for romance when there's no need or reason for it. Especially the love at first sight trope. That one just aggravates me.

Like they can explore how close two characters are without putting a romantic context to it. In fact, the "romance" that we get in TCF are mostly from Deruth and Violan and from Deruth and Jour. It can't be said it's romance either since the focus on them is about the whole family instead. Other characters never show any sign of being in love with someone either.

And I also love the fact that Cale, the main character, doesn't have a romantic relationship throughout the whole first book. He has no time for one since he's in the middle of a war, he's focused on protecting his friends and family, and he's busy fighting some crazy bastards. He never looked at another person and thought he was in love.

If Yoo Ryeo Han ever adds romance later on, ✨I still hope she doesn't✨, it's easier to accept since I know these characters are close to each other. They've been together since the beginning. They bonded and experienced a lot of good and bad things together. Although it'll be weird to me...

[On an unrelated note: If this whole post looks weird, it's because I haven't slept yet]

[yangsharperavery]

my carmy/sydney related thoughts on season 2

i think when digesting this show, it's done more easily when we see who carmy and sydney are as people and how they bring that beingness to their dynamic.

it's interesting to see the takes from people who are troubled by what they saw in this season in terms of their relationship.

i personally thought there was so much fascinating groundwork that was laid.

we knew when molly gordon was cast they were likely trying to introduce a love interest for carmy.

i was not shocked, i was not surprised. i literally expected it.

doesn't mean i wasn't rolling my eyes but i was well aware of what function she would play within the narrative.

but the writing is so sharp that there are a million subtle elements of carmy's character, and what we know about him up to this point, including what was illuminated by the christmas episode.

let's first talk about carmy's choices and behavior where it relates to claire vs sydney and the restaurant.

we know that carmy is awkward, isn't incredibly relationally experienced and has sacrificed everything for his career and specific level of skill.

he'd just been ruminating on expanding his experiences as expressed in the al-anon meeting.

we know this man is intensely grief-stricken and also that he's battling his own mental health.

we also know he's literally been bred from chaos and emotional tumult.

even him not going to his own brother's funeral makes so much sense after that christmas episode.

he couldn't stand to witness what that type of grief had done to his already deteriorating mother.

so he's trying to conceptualize fun.

notice he wasn't trying to conceptualize love or relationships or a partner.

it was literally presented and integrated as fun.

so he runs into this girl he used to a have a crush on and even then, he's not sold because he knows himself, he knows his priorities, his propensities toward self sabotage, etc so he gives her a wrong number.

yet she persists.

so to me, this may seem like a sign to him to give this a chance, do some exterior exploration of something outside of the kitchen and outside of his career and outside of his own neurosis.

so he's just going with the flow. trying to be "normal". not really knowing the content or context of anything. another reason why he wasn't even calling claire his girlfriend.

claire even brings up the fact that they'd hung out so much but didn't actually talk.

which is SPOT on because the audience only actually ever sees them talking about their careers or what they were like as kids/teenagers.

but you know who carmy DOES talk to? hmm, more on that later.

so claire is symbolic of this thing that was pleasant when he was younger, when he was less of this grown conglomerate of anxiety and disarray and sorrow. a part of him that's separate from all of his current worry and fixations and dysregulation.

him saying he loves her so much and that he thinks she's so great actually rings hollow because we, the audience, didn't actually get to see when and where that level of specific emotion or intensity occurred.

so off rip i don't believe him. i don't think about it in the context of if or when he and sydney explore anything, because it feels patently untrue to me.

and completely separate from sydney.

it's not earned. it's not rooted. it's not tacitly valid.

it's fine. it's a good time. it's some laughs and conversation and sex and a nice, normal person he has fond, nostalgic memories of.

and i think it's written that way on purpose!

so him professing this to other people feels like this way to continue digging a hole of his own distraction, his absence, his lack of attention to detail.

i completely understand the frustration that many feel about interpreting this like carmy was essentially choosing claire over sydney.

carmy was trying to have an unfamiliar and different experience and didn't have the depth perception, the self awareness and the internal regulation to recognize he was doing it to the detriment of something so deeply and irrevocably important to him.

as soon as sydney brought it up, he got defensive but then moments later recognized his errors and apologized.

she told him she didn't want to share his attention.

he told her she was absolutely correct and that she deserved his full focus.

what's fascinating about this part is they aren't even explicitly talking about the restaurant.

she says "me" and "i", he says "you".

uh. wow.

now even in the context of JUST the restaurant this is saying ALOT here.

him instantly apologizing and agreeing with her requests means a substantial amount.

carmy isn't an ass because he stood sydney up for the palate cleanser. or even because he went absent when he shouldn't have.

carmy is deeply troubled and wounded and suffering and he was grappling for something else to feel or do or think about besides what he's ALWAYS thought about and done and fixated on.

that's why he's unreliable, that's why he's haphazard and emotionally or energetically messy. he's coping.

that's why he knows he makes mistakes all the time. because he feels like he's a screwup in a lot of specific ways in his life so he's used to it.

he's not being malicious or cruel or even unkind to sydney.

and this isn't an excuse. it's a reason. it's what all the information we have about him up to this point is providing us.

and yes, his timing is godawful.

but he trusts this person so implicitly because he knows how talented and capable she is.

carmy does not know HOW to be a partner, of any kind. where would he have learned that? where would that have been modeled for him?

"this is what you wanted originally and i'm giving it to you."

so let's transpose the way carmy and claire are presented with how carmy and sydney are together.

he literally can't WAIT to hear what sydney has to say. about literally anything.

at any given time.

"say more please."

all he wants to do is listen to her talk. he wants to know everything about her. the personal stuff too, almost especially.

he listens to her so closely. in the first or second episode she loses her train of thought and he repeats everything she just said.

i don't even think it was restaurant related.

he brings up her mother not once, but twice.

he feels like he should have known that sydney lost her.

he wants to pour into and believe in her because he does. he already does.

he's ready to apologize to her because he knows what a mess he can be and often is.

he knows what his anger can do. he knows how he was conditioned and raised in the industry and he doesn't want that at all for her, least of all from him.

especially after she walked out last season.

he's hyperaware of it. he calms down instantly both times she does the sign for sorry that HE taught her.

he has this propulsion to NEED to know what's happening with her in the very moment something occurs.

he did it last season when she quit on the spot and he kept trying to talk to her when she was leaving.

he did it this season when she was frustrated and trying to say goodnight after carmy was actively telling everyone goodnight and to go home, yet he tried to talk to her when she was leaving.

"what?"

"i'm saying goodnight."

he was repeatedly ushering everyone out but because of the look on her face, carmy's like wait, "what's that about, what's happening?"

he can't stand it!

same with them outside last season when he brought her food and asked what was wrong.

if something is up with her, he reacts immediately.

if she's peeved, he wants to know why right away, he wants to know what to do to make it better, how to approach it, what to say, he goes out in search of that information in the moment it's happening.

sydney is his soft place.

he feels very anchored and tethered to her and i believe she feels the same with him.

sydney is his respite. his peace. the thought of her literally calms and stills him.

her being energetically seats him.

we saw it penetrate his seismic and consistent panic in real time.

that was clearly displayed for all of us to witness.

he doesn't want to be cruel or unkind or anything other than present and communicative with her.

i'd venture to say he actually doesn't want anything more than that, besides maybe the restaurant to succeed.

now sydney is in her "i have something to prove" era.

she is so driven and so determined but she's also a realist and is inundated and surrounded by all this proof that what she's doing may be foolhardy.

at the very least, it's incredibly risky. it's a jump.

and someone deeply ambitious and creative and tuned in and focused like sydney has such fear of failure.

because she knows what it often means for someone like her.

that's why she overextends herself so continuously.

she's often had to and she thinks it gets her closer to the opposite of failure.

she was not only aware of the gaps carmy's absence was leaving but also planning this tasting menu with a MILLION things on it because something was gonna be the star because it MUST.

and i think the carmy absence flares a bit of abandonment as well, like he's left her in a lurch.

she has feelings about that.

she finds out why he did, and TRIES not to have feelings about that.

that's confusing and she's already beyond stressed out so she tries to stuff it.

her success is so tied to her identity because she's worked so hard to get where she is and still feels like she's not where she wants to be.

so she wrestles with worthiness and worry and the financial climate of affability for restaurants. she's riddled with what if she can't hack it?

she has evidence of that being true in the past.

she has evidence of her past failures and those are what keep her up at night, not the infinite possibilities of her future successes.

and that's also why she picked carmy.

because she was always going to pick the best.

she was always going to follow the career and moves of the standout in the industry.

of the person that made the best meal she's ever had.

so if he's anal retentive or jumpy or doesn't call about changing the structural elements of their restaurant while it's happening, she deals with it because she picked him.

she chose him. and then he chose her.

(and then she lightweight chose him again when she came back)

so that's why when they're talking he so often checks in by looking her in the face, scanning her expression. he instantly picks up on something being off or wrong or him being "shitty".

or why when they're under a damn table, despite being peeved or annoyed with his disappearing acts, she lets out the most vulnerable, softest admissions about the perceived necessity of her contribution and future failure.

or why he responds with "i couldn't do it without you" so instantly, so rapidly, it's like it's etched in him. that's the quickest response he'd given to anything she said to him the entire season, she barely got the words fully out before he was verbally soothing her.

then he STAMPS this by saying "i wouldn't WANT to do this without you."

there was such an unexpectedly, viscerally aching quality to that exchange.

it's honestly searing.

i'm sorry are these wedding vows or are we talking about opening a damn restaurant?

or the way he says "you love taking care of people" to her when she talks about making sugar food.

that's also a stellar mirrored moment because i've seen a few people, i believe @eatandsleepwell is one, talk a lot about how that's one of carmy's main drivers and internal tenants.

they see so much of themselves in each other.

the buried parts, the unknown parts, the odd parts.

the parts they wanna work on. the parts they wanna exalt.

they are so similar. they are also quite different.

they have reflected one another in the narrative since s1 ep1.

they exist so flawlessly within the others interstices.

she wordlessly hands him pepto for his stomach.

he tells her he won't let her fail.

the pulsing undercurrent of sydney and carmy is pretty fucking palpable.

there's people on social media who weren't convinced or didn't ship them last season that have suddenly completely seen the vision.

whether the writers actually go there or not remains to be seen.

i don't necessarily trust that they will or won't to be honest because i know there are so many moving pieces and variables and factors.

ships get bypassed and messed up all the time.

i don't watch any shows for ship guarantees but i know how writer's rooms work.

i'd venture to bet that at least 1/3 of that room DOES have an interest in seeing something happen between carmy and sydney, (maybe even 1/2).

or at the very least the option to have it explored.

different people write different episodes, the showrunner/creator can scratch or add whatever.

scripts are TIRELESSLY edited and shortened.

yet there is alot that makes the final cut that points to the potent carmy and sydney marrow.

him giving her the captain reigns before they served for the first time, her saying 'let it rip'.

to me, sydney walked into that failing sandwich shop with a mission that day, they locked eyes and immediately fused.

something happened to the both of them in that moment and they largely don't even realize or can adequately reckon with its magnitude yet.

[ihaveforgortoomany]

Vertin and Mesmer's dynamic analysis (Global Info Only)

Just a ramble and analysis or overview of Vertin and Mesmer throughout the story currently. Why? I think Mesmer is the only person to understand Vertin on a deep emotional level, or at the very least aware of the deep trauma Vertin struggles with and buries far away from the rest of the crew.

(Enjoy a ramble about the most traumatised characters in R1999, or the one of I guess)

Mesmer is probably has the most complete information about the Breakaway Incident out of the cast outside of Vertin, Madam Z and Constantine: both being involved with the Breakaway Incident and knowing the full extent of Constantine's meddling. After all Mesmer was the one to tell Constantine about the plan out of fear for her friends. Mesmer did not act out of malice but concern, it was Constantine manipulating the vulnerability of a child to ensure the circumstances to foster Vertin as a Timekeeper.

Why say Mesmer of all people understands Vertin on a deep emotional level? Simple, AS is the invention of the Mesmers as part of the Three Door gameplay, and we see its use shown in Book 3/4 in Vertin's induced coma.

Its clear in Book 3 that Mesmer is aware to some degree of what Vertin dreams, the jump between the conversation or Smoltin and Smolnetto over the frog vs the small time jump to when they were 12. Not only do we as players see the Breakaway Incident in full, but Mesmer to some degree as well, not just as a person present at the time.

How does this mean Mesmer understands Vertin more than anyone? Vertin is a very closed off person to begin with, sure she is very physically affectionate and you don't get 60+ people wanting to join the suitcase without a certain level of charisma - Vertin especially after the Incident keeps everyone at an emotional distance. And equally does not allow others to know her pain, its hers to bare alone.

Mesmer similarly is at this emotional distance from others and attempts to hide her pain deep inside her. The guilt of the Breakaway, the literal fact that she is a Mesmer in the first place, just like Vertin forced into a role at an early age of caring for patients in a psych ward since 12 as well as the nature of her arcane skill making her VERY aware of other arcanum fluctuations and emotional states. And Laplace isnt exactly the best place to find therapy (Kakania as a prime example).

While Vertin of course does not entirely consent to being put into a coma she does tell Mesmer "I will trust your judgement, just this once". Mutual understanding of this situation, Vertin cannot do much but put faith in others (and its too early to judge whether or not this trust is a fatal flaw).

Their general dynamic is one of mutual understanding, they are close in their own way even if to anyone outside it looks like they are just cold to each other. (Vertin requesting the Umbrellas from Mesmer, to her later receiving all Umbrellas by the interchapter, the chapter implies Mesmer herself went to Vertin to give the Umbrellas.

Summary: Vertin and Mesmer's relationship and dynamic might be the most fleshed out or the one given the most context so far, a trouble dynamic between two individuals forced into roles from an early age and shaped by trauma, a bond built of mutual understanding of the duty they must continue and oversee.

[midnight1nk]

EPISODE(???) CONCEPT #2

What if… the Tender Tunnel was a mini-game challenge in WOTFI 2024?

For context: this was written before WOTFI ‘24, when I thought Mario and SMG4 would have to save their friends one by one by winning mini-games. It’s not an episode rewrite or concept, more of an AU of sorts. Listen, I just wanted an SMG34 moment, okay.

Oh, man. What have they gotten themselves into this time…

Mr Puzzles has trapped the Crew in Puzzle Park, claiming they are “the missing pieces”. The Crew, except for Mario and SMG4, are under his control. And now, this lunatic wants them to “test” these mini-games before the official opening in 24 hours.

Mario and Four could hear the crowd waiting outside, the children curious about the bright and flashing attractions. They feared he might do the same thing as he did in Puzzlevision, trapping them all in this park. The duo demanded Puzzles to set them free. Unfortunately, according to Puzzles, the only way to free them was to beat the mini-games. “Hmph, I doubt you can.”

Well, he shouldn’t have underestimated them. The blue and red duo already managed to save Karen and Bob, and were now off to rescue SMG3.

NEXT CHALLENGE: THE EVER-TURNING DILEMMA OF MR. DYNAMITE

(I can’t come up with good names)

Woah oh, Mr Dynamite is going off the rails again! Hit the red X’s on the rotating target he's tied to using these blades without hitting him. Be careful! If the timer runs out, his dynamite vest will make him go “pop”! [ *insert evil laughter here*]

Thanks to Bob and Karen being experts of the blade, they completed the mini-game, and Three’s free of Puzzles’ control. Four removes the rope that held Three’s limbs and carries him down.

Three, dizzy: “Oh, what happened?” [*sees that it’s Four, annoyed*] “Oi, didn’t I text you guys to get out of here?” Four: “Mr Puzzles is controlling the entire carnival, we didn't exactly have a choice to begin with. Besides, we aren’t gonna leave you here.” Three, touched: “You stayed… to save me?” Four: “Why wouldn’t I? Dude, you were literally going to explode if we didn’t.” Three: “I…uh…” [*blushes*] “Augh, never mind. Why did I even send that text?” Four: “Aww, didn’t know you cared about us.” Three, muttering: “Shut up, baka.”

(and yes, Three thinks Four could’ve easily gotten rid of him if he wanted to. That their friendship is too good to be true. But the fact that Four is here, returning the favor... perhaps Three’s efforts weren’t for nothing.)

A door nearby opens up, leading them to the next challenge. They ran, passing by some mirrors. Three caught a glimpse of himself, in the getup Mr Puzzles had him in. He struck a pose. “Heh, still got it.”

NEXT CHALLENGE: LOVE IS BLIND

(still can’t come up with good names)

Grab a partner and test your bond in the Tender Tunnel! Each player will be assigned a lipstick of the color that matches their partner, show how much your partner means to you by giving them a kiss!

Of course, Mr Puzzles chooses his pair, Tari and Saiko, for his side. For the Crew, it was a bit more difficult to choose. Bob opted out because “none of them were sexy”. Karen was more worried for her children, whom she could hear from the outside. Mario decides to go with his one true love, spaghetti. Four went against it, thinking that Mr Puzzles wouldn’t even allow it. And this was a big one, they could save both Tari AND Saiko. They can’t risk it. Mario ignores him and gets on the boat anyway.

Mario, also being the wingman that he is, suggests that Four and Three pair up. Before they could even process what he said, Mario extended his arm and pulled them into a third boat. Mr Puzzles, or at least controlling a robot arm, hands out the lipsticks and reassures them not to worry, the lights will be dim in the Tunnel. There’s no need to feel embarrassed. Besides, with Mr Puzzles knowing how the blue and purple duo are, they won’t be able to win. Four and Three looked at each other, feeling the awkward tension between them.

They’ve been through this before. The elevator… the…

We don’t talk about what happened years ago.

But, to save their friends…

After a while, the boats come out of the Tunnel. The camera first shows Tari and Saiko with their kiss marks on the back of their hands. It counts for two points for Mr Puzzles’ side.

Four, off-screen: “Wait, we could’ve done that this whole time?!”

The camera pans to Mario and his plate of spaghetti, somehow in wedding attire. Where did that wedding cake come from? The wedding bells ring…

Mario, putting the lipstick on: "You may now kiss your partner."

....uh, before Mario proceeds to do his usual antics.

Mr Puzzles: “CUT THE CAMERA CUT THE CAMERA!”

The camera hastily moves away, going into static. Without Mario being the picture and disqualified, the last pairing is Four and Three!

…

Well, the camera is pointing at where they’re supposed to be standing, but they’re nowhere to be seen. The camera moves, trying to search them.

Four, off-screen: “Just skip us! You win this time, Mr Puzzles.” [*nervous laughter*] Three, also off-screen: “Uh, yeah, let’s just go to the next one…”

The camera turns to the pair walking away from the scene, suspiciously covering their faces with their hats. Failing miserably not to be seen by anybody. That was until one of them trips for not seeing where they were going. The camera zooms in to show what exactly they were hiding:

There were dozens of kiss marks smeared on each other’s faces, purple for Four and blue for Three. The two yelp in embarrassment, trying to hide with their hands and tempting to clean them off.

Well… to Puzzles’ dismay, the Crew clearly won this mini-game as well as saved Tari and Saiko. Mario gave the pair a supportive thumbs-up while the duo wished they could die here and now.

Goddammit, it happened... again!

[miyamiwu]

What names mean to Kaiser + How roses represent curses

Thank you @gachagon @hooudie212 and @blrpr for responding to my meta prompt. Your insights helped shaped mine. And now that my classes for the week are over, I felt free to ruminate on this topic while washing the dishes earlier. I’ll now share to you guys the conclusion that I came up with.

But before I start, let me just acknowledge how @gachagon made some great points about what Kaiser’s and Ness’ names could mean and how it ties together to their roles as King and Pawn.

However, all your arguments involving name meanings hinges on the premise that Kaiser knows what everybody’s names even mean in the first place… And surely he can’t be that aware? Still, it’s an interesting take on what the author’s intent was in choosing their names.

But whatever Kaneshiro truly intended is hard to guess. So in this meta, I’m gonna focus solely on Kaiser and how his mind may have worked.

Without further ado, let’s go—

Although it’s unusual in German culture, the original members of Bastard München address each other by surname:

We could just brush this off as the author’s way of appealing to the local Japanese audience, considering how some foreign players in other teams also call each other by surname (e.g. Lorenzo saying “Snuffy” instead of “Marc”). (Though, there are some who do address each other by given name, like Agi saying “Chris” instead of “Prince”, which is more true to reality.)

However, this meta isn’t about those other foreign players, nor is it about Bastard München as a whole.

After chapter 260, I find it impossible to brush off the significance of names to Kaiser, especially when his backstory literally begins with an introduction of his name:

The boy’s name is Michael Kaiser.

The chapter didn’t start with “Michael Kaiser’s childhood was something no child should want or ever endure.” It started with “The boy’s name is,” in one box all to itself, distinguishing it from the rest of the text on the page.

The emphasis of the Name on the very first page tells us straight away that names are an integral aspect of Kaiser’s character.

However, despite this established importance of the Name, throughout the rest of the backstory, Kaiser is mostly referred to as “the boy.”

The one other time Kaiser’s name is brought up is this panel:

With an alcoholic, gambling addict father beating the crap out of him every chance he got, the young Michael Kaiser grew up.

But notice how the Name is included in the sentence. The first part talks about the abuse, or the cause, and the second part with the Name talks about the result.

I don’t know how accurate this would be since I’m merely referring to a fan translation, but the way this sentence is worded, plus the sense of detachment evoked in calling Kaiser as “the boy,” is sending out the message:

Point #1: Michael Kaiser is not the boy who was abused. It was the boy who was abused who became Michael Kaiser.

This point also ties in well with the last words of the chapter:

At that moment, something in the boy snapped. No, not snapped… Born would be more accurate. That something is…identity!

He was a Boy first before he was Michael Kaiser.

With this, the Name now holds even more weight.

Further along chapter 260, context on “Michael” is given:

Paired with the first page of the chapter, this specific panel hammers home the notion that the Name is important.

Let me bring attention to this part:

‘Michael,’ the name that the mother gave the boy shortly before she left

and then this:

was never uttered by the father. Not even once.

Seeing that Kaiser had no friends, peers, or other adults around him growing up, it can be assumed that only the Mother had ever called him Michael.

But she left. She left after giving the name.

And the Father refusing to call him “Michael” precisely because it was given by the woman who left would also constantly remind Kaiser of this fact.

This makes two things clear in Kaiser’s mind:

The Mother who called him by his given name abandoned him.

The Father who refused to call him by it never left.

Point #2: To call someone by their given name is to abandon them.

Kaiser calling Isagi by given name is therefore his way of “abandoning” him—or, in other words, eliminating him. Yoichi is someone he must eliminate if he wants to live a successful life, like how the Mother who gave him the name eliminated him from her life to become a popular actress.

Kaiser not going by “Michael” also makes sense with how he wants to become a strong person who doesn’t give up easily (re: his conversation with Ness in c243). Why would he go by something that reminds him of abandonment when he’s trying to keep going?

As for why he goes by his father’s surname instead of just giving himself a new name entirely… it’s a lot more complicated...

From the same page as the previous panel, we have this:

Yet, the father treasured a rose the mother had once given him. The boy didn’t understand why the father kept something from someone who ruined the father’s life.

The Father kept a rose from the Mother who left.

In the same way, Kaiser goes by the surname of the man who had made his childhood a living hell.

Both are keeping something from someone who ruined their lives.

To understand why Kaiser goes by surname, I think we must first understand why the Father kept the rose.

As @aiulbones pointed out in the replies of this post, the unwilted rose in the glass is a Beauty and the Beast reference.

There are lots of variations on the fairytale, but from what I remember of the versions I’ve read as a child, there was no one rose in a glass. Instead, there was a rose bush or rose garden. The rose in the glass—or simply, the Enchanted Rose—is actually the trademark symbol of the Disney 1991 adaptation.

In the Disney movie, the Prince was cursed to be a Beast and must find true love before the last petal of the Rose fell. To protect the Rose and possibly slow down the fall of its petals, it was encased in a glass dome.

When Belle betrayed the order to stay away from the West Wing, she came across the Enchanted Rose, inciting the Beast’s fury:

Most people think the Rose represents Love, but it’s not. If it did, then it’d make no sense for it to make the relationship between Belle and the Beast worse.

In contrast, at the end of the movie, right after Belle says “I love you” to the Beast, the last petal of the Rose falling is shown, and shortly after, the curse is broken:

(skip to 01:13 in the video)

In short, the Rose is a representation of the Beast’s curse. It does not represent love. It does, however, also represent a search for love. And only when that love is found would the curse break.

The Father keeping the Rose represents his inability to let go and move on from the woman who left him. He hates her, but he’s also still obsessed with her. This obsession has become his curse. And like how the Beast was unable to form a deep connection with Belle while he was being overprotective of the Rose, the Father is unable to love Kaiser as his son because he is still obsessed over the Mother.

Now, let’s go back to Kaiser.

I agree with @gachagon’s idea here:

I see Kaiser using his last name as opposed to his first name as a thematic symbol of him rising above the circumstances he was born in. His surname may be shared by a man who cared nothing for him, but he can make it greater than that man ever was and have it be a title befitting just him.

Also love @pinkinsect’s thoughts:

his father never actually called him michael so i wonder if that name feels foreign to him? if kaiser is a reclamation of some sort

Kaiser going by his surname is a way for him to rise above the Father who abused him. This is nice and all, but remember, Kaiser also has a Rose—the blue rose tattoo.

Roses represent curses.

(order of images is top, then left to right. Click on the image to read.)

According to Kaiser, the blue rose symbolizes the achievement of the impossible. A symbol of defiance. But what is he defying?

I was originally a mentally weak person. I constantly gave up when I faced things I believed to be impossible.

Kaiser is defying the idea of being weak, of being helpless, of being trash—an idea instilled in him by his Father.

His curse is his childhood trauma. And the fact that the Rose is blue—representing the impossible—and even tattooed on his skin tells us that this curse is not easy to break.

Point #3: Kaiser may have thought he was reclaiming the surname, but in reality it was just a manifestation of his obsession.

The same way the Father’s obsession over the Mother is manifested in his refusal to call Kaiser by name.

Gathering all the points we have so far:

Point #1: Michael Kaiser is not the boy who was abused. It was the boy who was abused who became Michael Kaiser.

Point #2: To call someone by their given name is to abandon them.

Point #3: Kaiser may have thought he was reclaiming the surname, but in reality it was just a manifestation of his obsession.

Conclusion

Kaiser’s goal is to become impossible to define, but the irony is that his entire name—Michael Kaiser—defines a prison.

Yet, it also concisely sums up his entire life.

And to even live as just the Michael Kaiser was something he had to fight tooth and nail for:

After losing to Yoichi, Kaiser has become even more obsessed over defying the idea that he is trash.

He thinks that the only way to stop being trash is to defeat Yoichi. But this view of winning as the sole affirmation of worth is unhealthy and needs to be stopped.

Kaiser needs to realize that… he never was trash.

He doesn’t have to keep defying anything because there is nothing to defy.

Besides, he has already defeated the “impossible.”

He is no longer the Michael who was abandoned, nor is he the Boy who was abused. But until he realizes that he is not the trash Kaiser like his father, he will never be able to break the curse.

But how does one break the curse, exactly?

Roses represent curses.

But Roses… also represent a search for love.

And Kaiser is already…

...very much loved.

He just needs to realize it.

[lakesbian]

i have had like 10 friends rec worm to me but nobody’s given me a good like, gist of its vibe and what its abt because ‘its best blind’, could u please give a like brief summary and vibe check of it 😭 it’s so long i dont wanna try and invest that much time without knowing much abt it

so, worm is a 1.7 million word long webserial written in 2010. 1.7 million words seems like a lot, but it was also written over a relatively short period of time, which means the writing style is very easy to parse--the ideas aren't without complexity, but the language itself isn't intimidatingly dense. you can get through it at a very decent pace. i agree with your friends that there are vast portions of worm that hit best when you're unspoiled, but the thing is that worm is long enough that giving you the basic plot pitch is in no way spoilers for any of the things that i wouldn't want to see spoiled for someone. i'm actually kind of baffled they're not telling you Any Thing, because it is in my estimation one of the best books i've ever read, but it also Needs a briefing before you get into it for like five different reasons. which i will now provide. i swear to god this is brief by my standards it's just that i am very thorough

worm is a story about superheroes and supervillains, set in a world where superpowers are traumagenic--rather than appearing randomly or innately, some people gain powers after a traumatizing event happens to them. the protagonist is taylor hebert, a 15yo girl who has the power to control insects and desperately wants to be a superhero. and then accidentally finds herself scouted by a team of teenage villains instead. who's to say how she's going to react to all that!

one of the most compelling things about worm is that the superpowers in it serve as visceral, hyper-literal metaphors for the trauma and traumatized coping mechanisms of the characters with those powers. each power is incredibly specific and thematically relevant to the person who has it, and it's incredibly interesting and evocative. it feels so natural and well-done that it comes off like how superpowers are just meant to be written.

the fact that superpowers stem from trauma also means that worm is fundamentally a narrative about trauma. specifically, about traumatized teenagers and the relationships they form as they cling together while struggling through growing up traumatized & mutually coping with an increasingly intriguing, intense, and far-reaching escalating plot. worm's depictions of trauma + mental illness--including unpalatable trauma responses, including traumatized characters who are allowed to be complicated and nuanced and messy while still receiving narrative respect--are deeply real-feeling and impactful, and they're placed in the context of a well-spun + engaging story.

i really do have to stress how excellent the character writing is. worm is fully deserving of being as long as it is. over the course of 1.7 million words of character development, the average reader's reaction to the main characters goes from "sorta interesting" to "okay, i want to see where this goes" to "augh...really likable" to "i am now on hands and knees crying and these characters are going to stick around in my brain forever." wildbow has incredible talent for efficiently conveying complicated, real-feeling, and viscerally evocative characterization. many of the interlude chapters (chapters written from the perspective of different characters other than taylor) are so interesting, fleshed-out, and emotionally affecting that they make you wish you could read an entire novel about just the side character being featured. with that level of characterization for just the side cast, it's not surprising that taylor (& co) are genuinely just downright iconic. and i do not say that lightly--taylor is truly one of the best-written protagonists i've seen in anything. ever.

the other main pitch-point for worm is that it's a fascinating deconstruction/reconstruction/examination of the conceits of the superhero genre. it answers the question of--what would the world have to be like, for people with superpowers to act the way they do in classic cape media? and it does this well enough that it's interesting even if you have only a passing familiarity with cape media. i am not a big superhero media fan, but worm addresses virtually every aspect of cape media that was under the sun around 2010 in a way that's so interesting i still find it incredibly engaging. the approach it takes makes the narrative very accessible even to people who aren't usually cape media fans.

and speaking of the narrative: the end of the story is coherent and satisfying and deeply thematically resonant*. the way worm follows through on all of its main mysteries & plot threads is excellent. you don't have to worry about getting thru 1.7 million words and being dissatisfied by the author shitting the bed at the end, or anything like that. he does an amazing job of weaving together plot events in a way that makes each successive one feel rationally, thematically, and emotionally connected to what came before. there's really only one part where i feel the story stumbles a bit, but i think it was the best option he had for the narrative, and it's by no means a dealbreaker. it's in fact really impressive how cohesive and satisfying worm is for such a long webserial released over such a brief period of time.

*this is subjective ive seen some people who didnt love it but ive never seen anyone who downright Hated it who didnt also demonstrate egregious misunderstanding of literally everything worm is about. so thats a good sign

as for the downsides of worm/things that might put you off:

there is a very long list of trigger warnings for it. if you have any trigger warnings you want you should ask your friends to let you know about the relevant parts, because the fact that it's About Trauma (& about typical cape media circumstances presented very seriously) means that traumatic and violent things & their realistic aftermath are constantly happening and/or being discussed. i would not classify worm as needlessly dark or spiteful to the audience by any means, but it is intense and covers a lot of heavy topics. i do assume if your friends are all recommending it to you, they think none of the material would be too much for you, though!

worm was written in 2010 by a white cishet guy from canada. it's typical levels of 2010-era bigoted, it has a deeply lesbophobic stereotype character, it has some atrociously racist stereotype characters, the author really hates addicts, It's Got Blind Spots. i think worm is generally fully worth reading despite these, but very fair warning that it can get bad. i think what exacerbates this is that worm is generally extremely nuanced & sympathetic regarding ideas such as "crime is a result of systematic circumstance vs people just being inherently evil" and "mentally ill people who are traumatized in unpalatable ways are still deserving of fundamental respect as human beings" and so on and so forth, so it's extra noticeable and insufferable when you get to a topic the author has unexamined biases on and all that nuance drops out. the worst part is that a lot of this is most concentrated in the early arcs, so you have to get through them without being super attached to any of the characters yet. it is worth it though.

worm like. Does have a central straight relationship in it. and it's a very well written straight relationship for the most part and i like it quite a lot. but worm also passes the bechdel test with such flying colors that it enters 'unintentionally homoerotic' territory. which means a lot of people were shipping the main character ms taylor hebert with her female friends while the story was being released. which caused the author to get so mad he 1. posted a word of god to a forum loudly insisting that all of the girls are straight and 2. inserted a few deeply awkward and obvious and out of character scenes where he finds an excuse for the girls to more or less turn to the camera and go "i'm not gay, btw. this is platonic." This is fucking insufferable, and will piss you off immensely, but then you will get to any of the number of deeply emotionally affecting scenes between them, and at that point you will be too busy sniffling piteously and perhaps crytyping an analysis post on tumblr to be mad about all that other shit. also they're only a couple tiny portions out of an entire overall fantastic novel

overall: if those points don't sound like dealbreakers (i hope they aren't they're really massively outstripped by the amount of devastatingly good moments in worm, worm still has a thriving fandom over a decade later for a reason), you should absolutely give it a shot and see what you think. my final note is that you have to read up until the end of arc 8 to really see where what makes worm Worm kicks in, so aim for at least there to see how you feel about it if you're just thinking about dipping your toes in vs fully committing. i hope that was helpful and not too long :)

oh and don't go in the comments section on wordpress if you don't want spoilers. or anywhere else in the fandom at all. you will be spoiled. quite possibly for things you could not even have imagined were topics to be spoiled on.